In which I am made of epic fail

[fictional]

So. If you looked up procrastination in the dictionary, you would NOT therein find a picture of me, because I would've thought, eh, tomorrow's soon enough to send it in, no?

*headdesk*

I have vowed to not sleep before finishing this paper. It is on Doctor Who. WHY CAN I NOT CONCENTRATE FOR MORE THAN FIVE MINUTES AT A TIME? WHY???

In the last two days, I have a) not done anything fun, and b) also not done anything productive. I have, however, read the ridiculous lj comms about lifestyle master/slaves, read the NY Times, written some fanfic, read the Guardian, read post secret, refreshed LJ 14 squintillion times, drank a whole lot of red bull.

My life is so glamorous.

Comfort me with apples. Or you know, encouragement.

I beg of you.

...Maybe I should take a bath.

Comments

[lolliejean.livejournal.com]

I have many MANY days like this. Sometimes I get bathed and dressed around three and then by about seven I'm ready to get back in my comfies. I spend a bunch of time making lists in my head about what I should do and then I don't do them. I am The Dude (ette).

Here's the encouragement part:

You work better under pressure. When it comes down to the wire you can churn out that paper and it will be awesome because all the neurons in your brain will be fired up on red bull and OMG DEADLINE panic. Go baby go! See? You feel better now don't you. Reward yourself with a little more slacking before getting started. ; P

[sanginmychains.livejournal.com]

I have so been there. Usually, for me, the answer is to actually give myself permission to do something fun, just for a bit. I watch a sitcom. I knit a little. Read one *short* piece of porny fanfic. Sometimes that's enough to break the deadlock of "can't have fun until I work, can't work until I unlock the brain by having a little fun."

However, if you're in the zone where you actually have no time for the above strategy, then I use this one: If you can't write anything good, then write something bad. Open a separate file if you want to, just so you don't get good and bad mixed up, but put words to the page. Make your first paragraph "I hate this paper and I was an idiot to choose this topic because..." Permission -- nay, the requirement -- to write crap often frees up the logjam of self-criticism and panic that's holding back all the good stuff that you know is in there, because it was there when you thought of this idea.

I have truly been there. I completed grad school while working full time. Well -- I was paid full time. The job wasn't actually all that demanding. But still -- I came out on the far side, degree in hand, and you will too.

[contrarywise]

Boy howdy, considering how much I procrastinate on loads of things and how much time I spend either (re-)reading smuttysmutty fanfic, poring over LJ or playing with the Love Cats, I can certainly relate to and sympathize with your current situation.

I endorse sang's suggestion for getting something written. Especially if you eventually find yourself writing something like, "See, I thought this stupid paper would be fairly simple and straightforward. It starts with this cool idea, and I have plenty of evidence to back that up, see? Like this, and this and this..." Sometimes if you cut to the chase and pretend that you've already written the paper and some random friend asks you what it's about, and you write your response to that person, that can lead to all kinds of actual paper writing.

Good luck! Been there, done that, survived somehow. And you will too.

[framefolly.livejournal.com]

Hehe. I'm STILL in the state you described so well -- been here for YEARS. This is not encouraging you ;) .

All the above advice is great, and have worked for me at times. Go with them.

That said, here's some Bad!Advice from the Pro!Procrastinator. The humanities conferences I've been to give about 20 minutes per paper. That's about 6-7 double spaced pages at my reading speed, because I also usually use a 1 minute clip to liven things up. If this is a Dr. Who paper, I strongly suggest that you use something audio visual -- even if it's just a few handouts to pass around -- because people aren't all fans, but they'd like to be. And a picture is really sometimes worth 1000 words.

6-7 double-spaced pages? You can do that on the flight. I HAVE done it on the flight. Three times, to be exact. It's not ideal, but the important thing was that the papers got wrote, delivered, and fed back to me with thoughtful comments. And the eventual goal is peer-reviewed journal anyway, so this is just a way station.

Slightly less Bad!Advice -- disable your internet. Disconnect your router and seal it in a box or something. You don't need it for the next 12 hours. Seriously.

[darthhellokitty.livejournal.com]

You've written some fanfic, that's more than I've done! My big accomplishment today: giving Calvin a bath!

[rm.livejournal.com]

Fanfic = fun.

[askeladden.livejournal.com]

This is why I didn't go to graduate school. This was me every single day of my academic career. You, on the other hand, are studly and kickass and totally up to whupping this. I salute you!

[elainasaunt.livejournal.com]

Huh. This is me every single day of my professional career, even. Tomorrow evening I'm supposed to explain the US economic-financial crisis to a dozen French biz school students and I'm actually welcoming the fact that today none of my three, count 'em, computers is 100% functional because it gives me an excuse not to write the lecture till tomorrow. Do I understand the US economic-financial crisis myself? I do not. Make that 'an excuse to research and write the lecture'. Think I'll go read some fanfic. Is there such as thing as financial fanfic? (Finfanfic?)

[kel-reiley.livejournal.com]

you just described like the last 4 months of my life (and probably several months before that, too)