This is not fic [more notes from the trenches]

[fictional]

Rach: You know what Jack and Ianto have never talked about...? The real Captain Jack.... I wonder if Tosh ever told him about that?
Kali: God, yeah. I don't even know how Ianto would respond. Or if there's anyway to respond that isn't terrible. I mean, from Ianto's perspective: a) wtf. you went back to the 1940s and FELL IN LOVE WITH YOURSELF?! sadness-jealousy, and b) so, you kissed that dude, and by doing so YOU KILLED HIM. Because I firmly believe that real!Jack was killed in "friendly" fire.
Rach:Yeah, I agree about real!Jack. Also I think Ianto would be like, "Wait, we've been together for months now, through all this awful shit and you're in love with him and not me and then you acted like THAT?"

And from there, it was but a hop, skip and a jump to the following conversation...


Jack: Who says I'm not in love with you?
Ianto: ...
Jack: Well?
Ianto: I suppose terrible things do happen to me all the time, which would fit the profile.
Jack: That's not very nice.
Ianto: True though.
Jack: And not my point.
Ianto: What's your point?
Jack: I can love more than one person at a time. And you, of all people, should be able to comprehend that.
Ianto: Who said I was in love with you?
Jack: Tosh.
Ianto: Who said you told the actual you that there was no one, so what's up with that?
Jack: Unless I've missed a critical piece of data, in 1945 you hadn't been born yet.
Ianto: If I looked 'sophistry' up in the dictionary, it would have a picture of you saying that. Except less with the seemingly plausible and more with the actually completely invalid reasoning.
Jack: Time traveler. Occupational hazard.
Ianto: Just for the sake of my morbid curiosity, does the speciousness of your arguments ever, you know, bother you?
Jack: Depends on if they work or not. How am I doing?
Ianto: Not too good.
Jack: You're a hard sell.
Ianto: Not out of the ordinary, I think you'll find. I'll get Gwen in here, shall I? You can try it out on her and see what happens.
Jack: [sighs] You know, the 20th century was a lot easier to deal with.
Ianto: My point exactly.
Jack: Come on, you like it when I'm the coward. Lets you be all manly at me.
Ianto: ...
Jack: Riiiight. You're all manly at me anyway. Except when you pout at me like that.
Ianto: You're a complete arse, Jack. You know that, right?
Jack: Look, what are we doing here?
Ianto: Arguing.
Jack: No. What. Are. We. Doing?
Ianto: Are you asking for my permission to act like you actually give a shit?
Jack: Yeah.
Ianto: And you're asking me?
Jack: Well, sure!
Ianto: You have the i.q. of a weevil.
Jack: Hey, weevils aren't dumb! They're just... out of their element.
Ianto: A developmentally disabled weevil that's been run over by a tractor.
Jack: Do you think that would affect their intelligence?
Ianto: Do not think I haven't noticed you trying to distract me from my original point, which is that you are a complete tosser.
Jack: [mournfully] And it was going so well.
Ianto: No, Jack. It really, really wasn't.
Jack: Okay, so what do I do to make it up to you?
Ianto: You mean, what do you have to do to get me to ever, ever have sex with you again.
Jack: Well, yeah, that too.
Ianto: Get the fuck over your little fling in 1945 and get back to me.
Jack: It wasn't a fling, we didn't even--
Ianto: I'm in awe.



Not at all part of IHNIIHBT, btw, just us being crack monkeys. =D

ETA: And Rach adds below: "Also for the edification of the masses -- one of us is not Jack and one of us is not Ianto, we just send little chunks of the discussion back and forth, so like the first 4 lines will be one person, the next ten the other, the next two, etc etc..."

Comments

[troygirl68.livejournal.com]

LOL, LOL, LOL!!!

As an aside, you have to tell Rach this. I was just trying to start Some of My Favourite Things Are Broken (again) and little sprog climbs up next to me (not reading well enough to be affected by content). I was scrolling up the page when she sees Rach's picture and INSISTS its her friend's Mom (she made me scroll back several times to be sure!). I kept telling her it wasn't possible, unless Rach has a Tardis???? And a big secret.

[kalichan.livejournal.com]

If she does have a TARDIS, she hasn't shared it with me!! That bitch! lol. I will totally pass it on. =D

hahah. glad it amused you.

[rm.livejournal.com]

I totally thumbtack our shares stuff that she posts, so I see stuff. This is weird mainly because people's children seem to be obsessed with me and my partner in various combinations (a friend's baby keeps insisting on kissing my gf's picture on this year's holiday card -- the kid hasn't even met her and she looks nothing like his mom).

[troygirl68.livejournal.com]

That's it; all hopes of a serious read are over for now. Babies slobbing over Rach's gf's picture, not sharing the TARDIS, Rach and her Michigan lovechild, Janto crack ...

[rm.livejournal.com]

But hey, at least no one turned into a pony!

[kalichan.livejournal.com]

I ♥ you.

[rm.livejournal.com]

I may start saying this all the time.

Kali: I've been kinda ill.
Rach: but hey, at least no one turned into a pony!
Kali: But I want a pony.
Rach: Not like that you don't.

[kalichan.livejournal.com]

Kali: But I want a pony.

Why does everyone always think I'm gonna say that??

I mean, I do want a pony. But jeez.

...

Okay. Never mind.

[rm.livejournal.com]

[redacted for spoilers]

[jo02]

This was fabulous!

Could you promise in future to post results every time you are just being crack monkeys?!

[kalichan.livejournal.com]

Well, frankly, we are crackmonkeys a lot... I mean, a lot. Like, let's just say the internets might not be able to hold all the words ;-)

But I do have a lot of these... exchanges saved. I should totally go back and post some of 'em.

Glad you were amused!

[jo02]

I would love it if you posted these exchanges.

Because it's usually a while between postings of your (both of you) longer fic, if we had selections of these pieces to be going on with, it would be wonderful, and so entertaining.

[kalichan.livejournal.com]

Your wish is our command (http://kalichan.livejournal.com/168100.html). *g*

[demotu.livejournal.com]

Aha! Coincidences! In the RPG of Doom, Ianto and Jack came very close to talking about this. I assume Toshiko told everyone while Jack was dead, before she'd seen the Kiss of Kissiness. I bet she felt awful guilty afterwards...

But then they decided to talk about the other women they've slept with recently, instead. Which is such a less fraught conversation. ^_^

Snarky!Ianto FTW. Slightly gormless but charmingly intelligent Jack FTW as well. (And why does my computer think gormless isn't a word?

[kalichan.livejournal.com]

But then they decided to talk about the other women they've slept with recently, instead. Which is such a less fraught conversation. ^_^

Um, much. For starters, with those other women, um, no one died. Right? I mean, what kind of RPG is it??

Gormless is totally a word. Especially when talking about Torchwood.

[demotu.livejournal.com]

Well, Tosh was recovering from near death when Ianto slept with her, because Jack had asked him to. Um. So a little fraught? And Ianto doesn't know Jack slept with (insert sexy alien here). Yet.

[kalichan.livejournal.com]

Hahaha. slightlyNecrophiliac!porn ftw. Who plays Tosh? Are you Ianto?

[demotu.livejournal.com]

I am indeed Ianto. notevery is Tosh. xtricks is Jack, and GM. invisible_lift is Andy, pocketmouse is Owen, and tea_otter is Gwen. It's a stellar cast.

I made a couple posts about this, actually, with appropriate links. Here (http://demotu.livejournal.com/64491.html) was the initial conversation where Jack asked Ianto to. (Plus background) and here (http://demotu.livejournal.com/68324.html) is my post about it actually coming to fruition.

It's honestly well worth the read. This is practically the only "fic" I'm reading right now.

[kalichan.livejournal.com]

That's awesome, seriously. I can see I will at some point lose some time to going through this. Also, yay for whole team hijinx. When is this set?

Like you, I've not been reading that much recently. *sadface* But so much of it is SO crappy. Didja see the pony thing????

I have to say that your summarizing conversation was MADE OF WIN.

[demotu.livejournal.com]

Pony thing? Yes, crappy. Crappy crappy. But the RPG has been keeping me occupied, thank goodness.

The best part about the summary was that it was actually what happened, too. The RPG is set after KKBB. Everything up to there (and Fragments) is canon, but after that it's all AU. This particular set of events is maybe a month after Jack came back.

We're now working on a date scene a little later. Um. It's going kind of badly. Or well, depending on what you're looking for in a date...

"If you hadn't noticed, Ianto, you're emotionally repressed, distant and secretive, not obvious."

[kalichan.livejournal.com]

Hahaha. Dates! Torchwood: even worse at it than I am.

Perfect AU time. Full team, good stuff. Are you gonna keep Gray etc etc?

Have pm'd you re: ponies.

[rm.livejournal.com]

Also for the edification of the masses -- one of us is not Jack and one of us is not Ianto, we just send little chunks of the discussion back and forth, so like the first 4 lines will be one person, the next ten the other, the next two, etc etc.

[ophymirage.livejournal.com]

*grins* I'm pleased to see LSA and I are not the only writers who do this. Really, it just makes the voices SO much easier to 'hear'.

[kalichan.livejournal.com]

It is kinda fun, isn't it?

[fmanalyst.livejournal.com]

Wait a minute. Wasn't there an exchange on the BBC website materials in which Tosh told Ianto about real Jack in email? I could swear I saw that somewhere.

[bodlon.livejournal.com]

Yep. It was one of the chat files. Oddly, it was one of the ones that appeared on the flash half of the site, but not on the HTML. Basically, Tosh tells him that Owen's going to win the office betting pool over Jack's sexual orientation and drops a detail or two, and then Ianto disconnects.

[rm.livejournal.com]

Huh. I never saw that.

Ianto: What, did he guess "whore"?

[bodlon.livejournal.com]

If I looked 'sophistry' up in the dictionary, it would have a picture of you saying that. Except less with the seemingly plausible and more with the actually completely invalid reasoning.

This was the point at which I made a noise so hilarious that the boyfriend was like, "Uh, you okay?"

[kalichan.livejournal.com]

lol. Thank you. =D

Mine own personal, omg I'm laughing so hard my spleen might explode, was actually right before that, when Rach sent me:

Ianto: Who said you told the actual you that there was no one, so what's up with that?
Jack: Unless I've missed a critical piece of data, in 1945 you hadn't been born yet.

I mean, the sheer audacity of that is sorta unparalleled, isn't it? I was awestruck. I might have got to my knees for him right there, just on general principle. My internal Ianto was, on the other hand, marginally less impressed. ;-)

[rm.livejournal.com]

Despite thinking Jack, stop being such a prat so I can fucking blow you without hating myself sometime in the next century.

[kalichan.livejournal.com]

Right, right. I ought to have said he was faking being less impressed.

[bodlon.livejournal.com]

I've actually I had a similar conversation with someone about this:

"Jack said there was no one! That means he and Ianto aren't together, waaah!"

"Well, technically Ianto isn't going to be born until the 1980's. If Jack's stuck in the forties..."

"..."

"What?"

So, uh, I may be siding with Jack there, particularly on account of the 'not knowing they're coming back' side of things. Then again, I'd also sort of hoped maybe the two of them could make a deal with the present Torchwood and go into cryo, but hey. Apparently I overthink, and the real answer is to TEAR A HOLE IN SPACETIME.

[darthhellokitty.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that was when I scared my cat off the bed.