call no man happy unless he is dead

kind of a rocky night.
altercations, misunderstandings, great big chasms that seem unbridgeable (even if they're not.)
and the nightmares. ugh.
i guess the euphoria is never meant to last.

but no alternative besides moving forward. grit the teeth, search for toeholds, keep on going.
love is a choice, but somehow we forget that you've got to make that choice every single day.
funny how the faerietales always end there, after you find your love.
no one ever tells you that it's work, damn it, that happily-ever-after is the equivalent of a full time job.
and you do it in addition to keeping up the rest of your life.

but it's worth it. really really deeply to the crevices of my toes, and soul worth it.

in other news, i got caught padding my hours. oh sigh. guess i won't be able to do that anymore. oops!
but i managed to crawl out of bed early and finish my homework this morning, and now i think i will return to the blankets and curl up with the Dandelion for a couple more minutes. and we're starting Jane Eyre today, which is always fun.

oh look, i've managed to find my smile!

to all things their season

it was unseasonably warm today, which is always nice.
this whole winter has actually been pretty unseasonable, now that i think about it.

i found out i broke the curve on my first physics quiz today, gotta go study for the second one in a bit.
and also, it's looking cautiously optimistic about the honors program. anyone who is accquainted with my college career thus far, will know how utterly wierd that concept is. the thought that i might get out of here with some kind of distinction is a testimonial to the fact that it really ain't never over till it's over.

of course it means that to finish, i'm stuck here for the forseeable future so that i can write my thesis.
sigh.

it's raining now, i can hear it pattering against my window.
i think i see some consoling-curling-up-in-blankets and watching Mansfield Park.
oh Miss Austen, how i appreciate thee. no sex, no college, no trauma. nothing but marriage, politeness and regulated hatred.