(no subject)

my grandfather is dead.
most of my memories of him center around a bitter old man,
furious that the world was changing around him
and lashing out that he didn't get a better deal.
but i also remember a man whose lap i used to sit it
as he read me Aesop's fables.
and a rare smile and hug when i brought him a cup of tea.

the world is changing around me.
and i don't like it.

my mother is upset naturally.
but he gave her his blessing before he died,
and told her to take care of me, and my father
and that she was always in his thoughts.

my grandparents were married for sixty years.

dealing with dragons

have now fought with my father.
*sigh*
he's disappointed that i didn't trust him enough to not say
"Please, be nice to Ma...She needs us right now."

i know i hurt his feelings, but really, he's such a space alien.
i am aware that he loves my mother more than he could ever say, but he has no idea how to show it.
and he thinks being upset over death is silly and pointless.

i told him to hold her hand, give her a hug, tell her he's there if she wants to talk.
he thinks that she is better left alone.

how can a man grow to be sixty years old without having a modicum of emotional sense?
how?

I asked my mother if she wants me to come home this weekend.
She says no, and my father says I'm overreacting and should concentrate on my exams.
i don't know what to do...