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fictionalTitle: And I Cannot Know How Long She Has Dreamed of All of You
Pairing/Characters: Jack/Nine/Rose/TARDIS to varying degrees and in varying combinations
Authors:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
rm & kalichan
Rating/Warning: NC-17, het, slash, recreational intoxication (everyone not Jack is too uptight!!)
Summary: In which Captain Jack Harkness learns a new dance. Begins just after Doctor Who 1x10: The Doctor Dances, and goes on to bookend Doctor Who 1x11: Boomtown.
Wordcount: ~18,500, posted in three parts
Authors' Notes: This is a part of our Jack/Ianto series, I Had No Idea I Had Been Traveling. While it can be considered a prequel, it is in this position in the arc (after significant Jack/Ianto relationship development) for a timey-whimey reason, which will become clear later. You don't have to read the rest of the series to read this though. However, if you are reading that, you should read this, as it will be useful/relevant later.
Previous installments:
1. A Strange Fashion of Forsaking | 2. Dear Captain, Last Night I Slept in Mutiny | 3. To Learn This Holding and the Holding Back | 4. The Most Beautiful Girl in the World | 5. I Imagine You Now in That Other City | 6. Many of My Favorite Things Are Broken | 6.5 Up, Down, Strange, Charm, Truth, Beauty: or, A Child's Guide to Modern Physics | 7. In Our Bedroom After the War
And I Cannot Know How Long She Has Dreamed of All of You - Part 1 and Part 2
Leaving Raxacoricofallapatorius didn't go quite as smoothly as the Doctor had suggested it would, but Jack was beginning to expect that. And somehow, despite being chased with vinegar squirt guns and quizzed endlessly by bureaucrats after an incident with one of the attendant nursemaids (so not his fault, despite what the Doctor said -- he'd just been talking to the guy, and then his wife showed up, and well... yeah), they had made it off the planet relatively unscathed and had even managed to get Egg Margaret back to the hatchery where she belonged.
Which was good. What was less good was that Rose still looked abstracted and worried and like she was spinning endlessly inside her head about something, and despite all of Jack's attempts to jolly her out of her mood, or at least distract her from whatever was bothering her, she remained a different creature from the Rose he had first met hanging from the barrage balloon. She wasn't unkind, or even sulky; she just seemed very far away. This made Jack tense, and when he was tense, well, he got a little overprotective. Possibly a little overbearing. Unfortunately, this made the Doctor's hackles go up a fair amount, and Rose didn't seem interested in doing anything to smooth things over like she usually did.
After the Doctor (who'd been surreptitiously eying Rose and her mood for some time without commenting on it) had landed the TARDIS on the resort planet Froom-Upon-Harpwick, Rose announced that she'd be going off alone.
"Alone?" Jack sputtered. "Is that even safe?"
The Doctor said nothing, just kept tinkering away at yet another piece of the console that seemed to have come loose.
"Doctor?" Jack prodded.
"It's a resort," Rose said exhaustedly. "What could happen?"
"Plenty," the Doctor said. "Never seen anyone get into trouble like you."
"That's rich," said Rose. "Didn't I save your life first time we met?"
The Doctor grinned. "Yeah. You did."
"I need to think. I just... need some processing time. Please, Doctor."
"Catch," the Doctor said suddenly to her.
"What's this?" She turned over the small pyramid shaped object that he'd just thrown into her hands.
"A homing device; triangulates your position using the two suns," the Doctor said. "You go out by yourself, I want to know where you are. Don't lose that."
"Oh," she said, and slipped it into her pocket. "Cool."
Jack looked from the Doctor to Rose and then back. He didn't like this idea at all.
"Rose," he said. "Wouldn't it be more fun if--"
"I'll be back," she said, interrupting him. "I'm sure you can make do without me for a few hours, yeah?" And with that, she was gone.
Jack glared at the doorway. Then he shifted his glare to the Doctor. "How could you let her go off alone?" he said belligerently.
"Hand me that hydrospanner, would you, Captain? Not the heavy gauge, the other one."
"Stop ignoring me! Why did you let her leave?"
The Doctor didn't turn to look at him. "She's not a prisoner."
"She's upset, and you just let her go wandering off by herself."
"That's what she wanted." He tightened a bolt. "I've given her a homing device, so she can't get lost. Don't see the problem."
"That's not what she wants," Jack exclaimed. "She wants you."
"No, I think she wants to be away from me. And you. So, that's what she gets. She'll be back soon."
"We're in a ship the size of a galactic cruiser, if not bigger. The three of us could be in here for days without bumping into each other. What the hell did she need to go wandering around planetside alone for? She's just a girl."
"Think you might've spent a little too much time in the mid-twentieth," the Doctor suggested. "Might want to watch that. She can take care of herself. She doesn't need me running about after her."
"Are you actually this stupid, or is it some kind of act? Because I'm really beginning to wonder."
Finally the Doctor turned and pinned him with his gaze. "Care to rephrase that, Captain?"
"No," Jack said. "I think it was phrased just fine. You love her. She loves you. Anyone can see it. Why don't you just get over yourself and do something about it?"
"You don't know what you're talking about."
"But no, instead you've just got to be all emotionally damaged. What the hell's wrong with you?"
"There's nothing wrong with me just because I don't feel impelled to fuck every creature that's even marginally rated for sentience who crosses my path."
"This isn't about that, this is about Rose," Jack said.
"Who you just had to add to your lists of conquests, didn't you?"
"She's not a conquest."
"Then why are you so eager to push her off onto me?"
"Because that's where she belongs!" Jack said, anguish and frustration clear in his voice.
That stopped the Doctor, who looked at him curiously, and for a moment, Jack thought maybe the conversation was about to turn reasonable, even though the prospect disappointed him. Fact was, he wanted a fight. Which was why he almost smiled when the Doctor turned mean on him.
"And what does that make you? Just a slut for a night? Well. S'pose it fits."
It was, Jack mused, a bit like having his mother insulted. Because while the Doctor was happy to make it about him, truth was, it was about the world he had grown up in, his friends, his family, the beach settlement that had held them all so precariously, and the cities he'd eventually, thankfully, gratefully visited. It was the way of an entire time and place his life had hopscotched away from, and Jack found that while he was happy to take the Doctor's abuse -- wanted it even, because something about him and Rose had made him fucked up and stupid -- he had no patience for aspersions cast on what was once his.
So he did the only reasonable thing he could, and took a swing at the man, smiling when his punch landed.
The Doctor stumbled back but didn't go down. "You're a little boy, Captain and a careless one."
"You say it like I don't know."
"No, I say it like you don't care."
"Right. Which is why I was happy to get myself blown up for you people."
"That," the Doctor said, pointing at him, "that's exactly what I mean. No interest in fixing your mistakes, but you'll throw ourself after whatever you think is pretty for half a heartbeat."
"That makes no sense! I thought I was going to die!"
"But I wouldn't have let you," the Doctor said incredulously.
"Bullshit. You wish you had every day I'm here."
"Let's get something straight, Captain," the Doctor said advancing on him. "You're here for one reason and one reason only. And that's because Rose likes you. I don't like you, and your bullshit nobility about what is not actually going on between me and her isn't going to change that."
Jack jumped slightly as his back hit a wall. He thought about telling the Doctor he was a liar, thought too about punching him again. But then he smiled, and grabbed his lapels and dove in for a kiss instead.
"Ah ah ah," the Doctor said as he moved his head out of the way and grabbed Jack's wrists, twisting them free of his jacket and bringing the man's arms down between them.
"What?" Jack said, a bit incredulous that their lips hadn't met, that his ploy hadn't worked. "Don't you want to be damned together?"
"How's that?" The Doctor asked, his fingers digging bruises deep into Jack's wrists.
"We're both liars."
The Doctor had absolutely, positively had enough and let go of Jack's wrists and spun him around and pushed him against the wall.
"Don't you dare pretend to know what I am, Captain," he growled in Jack's ear. "You have no idea what I've done or why I've done it."
It was intriguing. Compelling even. And implied deep dark secrets that Jack instinctively wanted to suck on. But yet somehow -- and he could see how he had gotten there with the metaphor -- all he could come up with to say was, "You're hard."
"You win," the Doctor said, shoving against him. "Is that what you want to hear?"
"It's what I want to feel," Jack admitted with half a laugh.
The Doctor ignored the other man's nervous mirth and fisted a hand in Jack's hair, pushing his head forward and down to rest against the wall. He bit the back of Jack's neck.
"I do this, and I own you," the Doctor said, and Jack couldn't take it as a threat, even as his breath quickened with just the slightest bit of fear -- it'd been a while since he'd let a good fight take him to bed. After all, as far as he was concerned, the Doctor already did
own him.
Jack didn't even bother to acquiesce. "Not here," he breathed. "Rose."
"Shut it," the Doctor ordered. "I don't want to hear you."
"Not good at that," Jack ground out.
The Doctor laughed. It wasn't a comforting sound. "You talk just to hear yourself, don't you?" he asked conversationally. "Afraid of the dark, and the silence, so you natter on. In the quiet, you might have to see what you are."
"Yes," Jack gasped simply, the word stark, and plain, and true. It galled him a little, to be so easily known and despised all at once.
"Scared?" the Doctor asked.
"No," Jack said, closing his eyes, knowing he was lying and knowing the Doctor knew it too.
This man, the one who'd gone to the weapon factories of Villengard and left there a banana grove, how could he be frightening? And yet he was. Vicious and terrifying and utterly glorious; like being too close to the lightning of a summer storm.
The Doctor laughed again. It sent shivers of menace thrilling up and down Jack's spine.
"You wanted me?" he asked. "Been all come-hither, and begging for it, haven't you? You don't know what you've been asking."
"I do," Jack said, low in his throat.
"You don't, Captain. You know nothing. Not of war or pain or blood or death. And not of me."
Still holding him against the wall with one hand, the Doctor somehow had his screwdriver out, and Jack could feel it buzz down behind him, parting the weaving of his shirt and his khakis, all the way down, till he could feel his whole back exposed.
Jack spoke again, his voice hoarse. "I know you," he said, the words a talisman against whatever was about to happen here, however ugly and raw.
Because if he didn't keep going, if he didn't stay right here and take whatever was dished out, he was just going to run away again, run away forever, and Jack was fucking done with that. No more running. He'd found them, and he was never giving it up. Because if he did, it'd be over. That was it, he'd be all out of chances, and all alone in the dark. And Jack couldn't bear the thought of that, couldn't bear the idea of having had this and then having lost it because of his own despicable cowardice. So, no. For once in his life, he wasn't going to take the easy road. He was going to hold on come hell or high water. This time, he wasn't going to to let go.
The Doctor growled. "You rolled over pretty easy, Captain. Thought you'd put up more of a fight."
Me too, Jack thought, but didn't say. The Doctor was forcing him against the grillework now, and Jack held on as tightly as he could. He thought he could feel the ship hum underneath his fingers, and somehow, he was obscurely comforted. The Doctor'd let go of his brakes, he realized, but the TARDIS was still there, and she wouldn't let anything happen to him.
Great, the part of his mind that just never shut up said silently from somewhere far away, my only prayer is a fucking ship. The Doctor, Jack was beginning to understand, went around most of the time hidden and guarded, but behind the jokes and a manic grin something else lay, something terrible and fucking sublime. There's a reason apocalypse means unveiling and he couldn't help but wonder what he'd let himself in for.
"You see, you think I don't want things, think I'm a coward," the Doctor was saying, his breath hot in Jack's ear. "Maybe I just know the consequences of my desires. Maybe I know that if I fuck Rose she'll never be able to go home again, not really, and that's not fair. Maybe I know that if I give you what you want that won't be enough either."
"What do I want?" Jack asked, too aroused and disturbed and fascinated by this entire turn of events to be particularly worried at the way his voice cracked on the question.
"You want to be her," the Doctor said. "But you can't be. Not been innocent in a long time, I'd dare say, Captain."
He laughed darkly, and Jack found himself chuckling along with him, but it was merely a sound to mask something like panic. There were things that were not meant to be said aloud, not meant to be made real. No matter what he'd been taught at the Time Agency, the fact remained, magic still lived in the dark places of the universe, and it was here now, threatening to crawl up into him.
Literally, Jack thought with another burst of panicked and desperate amusement as the Doctor played his fingers against him and then pushed two up into him, as if this situation -- which he had clearly asked for and yet neither of them had really consented to -- somehow still demanded the niceties. Even without lube.
Jack intentionally banged his head against against the grate, so as to stop the world from narrowing to a single point too fast, just in case this was all he'd ever get from this man and lest he miss any of it. More than anything, Jack wanted to kiss him, and hold his face in his hands like a seer's bowl or a guardian against the cold.
He shivered.
"Don't fight me now, Captain," the Doctor growled in his ear, thrusting with those fingers and clearly following the motion with his entire body. "If you want to burn, then burn."
Jack made a sound like a sob and mourned.
The Doctor hated him. But also loved him. For being fragile and brave and stupid. But no one in the world was paying for that right now except the Captain. Except Jack. And that was beautiful, even if there were times, like these, when beauty was an insult. And the crushing heat of Jack's body promised to be in every way. Which wasn't a bad thing at all really, because the Doctor needed to hurt too, and he smiled at the promise of pain.
It was easy, so easy to force his way into Jack, who was willing, inviting even, but couldn't have been prepared for the brutality of it. The Doctor sucked in his breath harshly; after all this time, the shock of sensation still caught him by surprise. Humans. So ephemeral, so barbaric, and he more barbaric than the worst of them, because he knew better.
He shoved into Jack harder, intentionally trying to hurt now.
Because this was all there was left. He was like a conflagration, devouring everything in its wake and once he was done, they would be all gone, all used up, all ashes, and he'd be left alone. Like always, even in these most intimate of moments, alone.
This is why you can't have nice things, the Doctor thought bitterly. He groped for the remnants of his control; he could still stop, still walk away, but his mind was aflame, and he didn't want to, he wanted to shriek till his voice was ripped to shreds, till there was nothing left but that aching, agonizing howl, like a human staring into a dying star.
Beautiful.
No he thought. No. I will not be this. I'm better than this. He fought to keep his head above the swelling tide of anger and desire. Rose. A small note of warmth, of healing. Jack said she loves me. And I haven't spoilt it. Not yet.
Somehow that was enough to keep him anchored in the present. Here, with Jack. Not in the fires. Not wholly.
Jack moaned, a sound of anguish, and terror, and love, and the Doctor felt himself shake a little at the weight of it. Because Jack didn't matter to him, not like that, and that was a betrayal, one of a long, long line in his long, long life, and the Doctor didn't know if that would be the worst of it or if there was more yet to come, because he knew himself, and knew how he always in the end let people down, and yet here they were. Jack's hands clenched and unclenched as the Doctor thrust into him, and the Doctor felt as if each one were squeezing one of his hearts.
It was hot, and bright and like coming back to life after frostbite, just like this whole time with Rose had been, ever since the Autons in London. It was blinding, vicious pain, stinging like sharp thorns, and he didn't know whether to hate himself for surviving or give in to the overpowering glee.
I'm alive. This is life.
Jack felt the Doctor fuck into him, so hard, it was like being pierced with a bar of metal, and his own cock felt so enormously swollen, it was like some alien creature forced up against his belly, heavy and distended and aching.
The Doctor fisted one hand in his hair and with the other reached for his cock.
"Thank you. Yes. Yes. Yes... oh god. Please, please," Jack said, his voice breathless and high with it and so much gratitude as well.
"Are you trying to break my hearts, Captain?" the Doctor asked, and Jack loved the question because he knew it, a trope used in bed a thousand times to mean everything from 'you're overwhelmed and I think it's lovely' to 'I might be harboring a few inappropriately emotional sentiments towards you too.'
So while Jack felt broken, he also felt like he had won.
There were times the Doctor thought his species was far too close to humans for his -- or really anyone's -- comfort. Because he'd known doing this was a bad idea, yet here he was balls deep in the stray captain, and he really knew he shouldn't have said what he just did, lest it be taken the wrong way, but he had, and it had, and he was sort of enjoying it.
Because if Jack could beg him and plead with him and thank him, maybe that meant the Doctor could actually save someone by being kind, and that was a very, very dangerous idea.
He needed this to be over; it was already too much to process.
"Come on, Jack, come on, come for me," he chanted into his ear as he fucked him and pumped him. "Come all over my nice pretty ship like you've wanted to since you first set foot in her," the Doctor said, suddenly finding wickedness and amusement much like he had abruptly found dancing some weeks before.
"Please," Jack pleaded again, tossing his head back to rest awkwardly on the Doctor's shoulder.
"Yes. I said, yes, Jack. Do it already."
Jack chuckled darkly and came, head dropping against the wall again as his cock pulsed in the Doctor's hand.
"Time to hang on, Captain," the Doctor said as he grabbed Jack's hips.
"Always," Jack replied hoarsely, emotion covered by an obvious leer that made the Doctor happy he wasn't yet done fucking the lies from this man.
He fucked him with abandon, pushing him up with each stabbing thrust, and Jack was pressed against the grating, the metal imprinting its pattern on his cheek, his mouth open so he could suck in air, so he could gasp and strain to get the Doctor deeper into his pliant body, so he could give this man a safe harbor, just for this one moment, in a place free from storms. Jack felt his body quiver and shake, as tears poured down his face in an uncontrollable spasm that felt almost like coming again, in a violent and wrenching flood, that went on and on and on.
As the Doctor let go, letting himself fall into the vortex of sensation, he felt the world go impossibly sharp, and then recede away out of focus, the threads of time drawn in and blurred into a warm, fuzzy, selfish glow; bliss, that: letting it all slide, just for a second, the attention, the constant noise of possibility, all released to this little, insignificant feeling. He pounded into Jack and then felt the orgasm overtake him in one sweet, brief moment of complete oblivion that ended all too soon.
He closed his eyes, and pressed a kiss into the back of Jack's neck. It wasn't right, it would be misinterpreted, but the Doctor, for once, couldn't think of any words at all to communicate what he wanted to say.
Jack felt the Doctor's lips press against him and shuddered at the awful gentleness of the touch, too closely followed by him sliding out, leaving Jack feeling drained and empty and soaked with both sweat and tears. Though they were no longer joined, the Doctor'd collapsed against him, and Jack was holding himself up by one hand on the metal grating and sheer force of will. He used his free hand to scrub his face dry, not very successfully, but it was worth an effort.
Finally, the Doctor stood up straight and then slid to the floor, so he was sitting propped up against the wall next to Jack, who took a deep breath, and then did the same, so that they were now sitting side by side. Jack's clothes had fallen away from him to scatter around them, but he'd never been bothered by nakedness, and certainly wasn't going to start now. Even if the Doctor did still appear to be fully dressed. Somehow that was actually kind of funny, and Jack exhaled a short little laugh at the thought.
"Well," the Doctor said, finally breaking the silence. "That was... interesting."
Jack looked at him out of the corner of his eye, grateful the other man wasn't mentioning his tears. "One word for it, I guess."
"I'm sorry," said the Doctor, after a long pregnant pause.
"Please don't say that."
"Why?"
"I don't want to be a mistake." Anything but that.
They sat in an oddly unhostile silence for another few moments, before Jack started to lever himself up. "I've got to get some clothes on," he said, eying the Doctor, who had his head down, staring at the floor. "Rose should be back soon."
"Yeah," the Doctor agreed. "Probably not a bad idea."
"Doctor..." Jack started and then trailed off, not knowing how to finish the sentence.
"What is it?"
"You didn't do anything... I didn't want you to do, all right?"
The Doctor looked up at that. "I know, Jack," he said, and his voice was kind. "I'm sorry if I frightened you."
"You're pretty scary," Jack agreed.
"You held your own," said the Doctor.
Jack laughed. "Not really, but it's sweet of you to say."
The Doctor grinned at him. Then with one of those mercurial shifts in emotion that were so characteristic of him, he bounded to his feet. "Got something for you, Captain," he said and pulled out something on a long chain from the pocket of his jacket.
"What's this?" Jack said.
"A TARDIS key. Thought you should have one for your very own."
Jack stared at it blankly. A key. Like Rose's. A sign that he was welcome, wanted, not just a passenger or a stowaway that they couldn't figure out what to do with. A key.
"Is this like... payment?" he found himself blurting out, with no grace at all.
The Doctor shook his head.
"No," he said. "It's just a key. I was going to give it to you before, but then you got yourself into a bit of a strop, didn't you? Rose'll be ticked I did it when she wasn't here."
Jack laughed helplessly.
The Doctor grinned and Jack thought it might be the only thing they ever agreed on about sex, that one should laugh after it. But Jack wasn't worried about it. Didn't need to agree to be spectacular, and maybe Rose could put a little bit of sense into them both.
He was, in a way, glad to go back to his room. While the Doctor had been right -- he wasn't fond of quiet as a rule -- there was a stillness to being essentially alone that appealed to him, at least right now. He was more than a bit tempted to just crawl in bed and sleep without even bothering to shower in hopes that his sheets would smell a little of what he'd just done when he no doubt took himself in hand again this day or the next.
But he didn't want to wallow in it, not something this bright, and so he forced himself -- sore and tired and leaking -- to the shower and washed as he sang to himself. He didn't feel that light, not really, but he couldn't help but think that he might, soon.
Rose came back from her expedition with hats and fruit, but not hats with fruit she noted quite sternly as she passed her gifts around the TARDIS' kitchen.
The Doctor had wound up wearing something that looked a bit like a sombrero if it had been made from aloe plants, and Jack just stared miserably at his own version of the same as it rested between them on the table.
"Well, I didn't get the hats because I liked you!" Rose said, laughing at his pout, her hands on her hips.
"Were we behaving badly?" the Doctor asked just a bit sheepishly.
"Bit tense, yeah," Rose said.
"We're done with that now," Jack noted benignly, causing Rose to look between them with a sly smile.
"So I see."
"You know how the Captain is," the Doctor said without malice.
Jack winked at her. "And you should see how the Doctor is," he said, flirting on the other man's behalf.
"Oi!" he said, pulling off the alarmingly spiky hat and making as if to throw it with Jack.
"I'm trying to do you a favor here," Jack said, holding up his hands in innocence or perhaps surrender.
Rose giggled and blushed coyly, before picking up a large knife and hacking into the melon she had also brought "You eat the seeds," she said, proud to have something alien of her own to explain, as she pulled the halves apart.
"Like pumpkins," the Doctor noted. "or pomegranates."
"More like pomegranates, I think," Rose said.
"Tastes like limes," Jack said, after scooping up some seeds on his fingers and sucking them into his mouth.
"You just like having things to suck on," Rose said.
Jack frowned smugly. "True."
Rose looked at the Doctor.
"What?!? I wouldn't know!"
Rose raised an eyebrow.
"Really! I wouldn't!"
"Really, he doesn't," Jack said, fidgeting idly with the chain that held the Tardis key, which now rested against his chest. "You, on the other hand are much luckier..."
Rose's eyes widened as she noticed the key, and then she punched the Doctor in the arm.
"Ow!"
"You said you would wait!"
"Didn't quite work out that way," the Doctor said. He put his arm around Rose and gave her a quick one-armed hug. "Did you have a nice time then? Feel better?"
"Yeah, it was quite nice, really. Did you know they do panto here and everything? Apparently the original version of Peter Pan is alien? Didn't exactly get an explanation of that, but learn something new every day, right?"
"Think I've heard something about it, yeah," the Doctor said, with the lazy grin that said he knew more than he was telling. "Give me back my homing device."
She handed the thing to him, and he put it back into his pocket. Then she poked him playfully. "Can't believe I didn't have to use it, can you?"
"Wonders never cease, Rose Tyler," he said, with a grin.
"See, Captain, I can take care of myself," she said triumphantly.
"Are you sure this plant is safe?" Jack said, ignoring her, and poking at the purple spikes. "It looks poisonous."
"I don't think you're meant to eat it," Rose said.
"Forbidden fruit? Now you're just tempting me," Jack said, with a wink, before bending his head to pick out more seeds from the melon with great concentration.
Over his head, Rose and the Doctor exchanged a glance. The Doctor gave Rose a miniscule shrug, just a millimetre of movement. She wasn't sure what exactly had happened between them while she was gone, and she wasn't sure she wanted to either. He looked different though; the darkness that hid behind his eyes had lightened a little or maybe just changed its shade. She fought back the surge of jealousy that she hadn't been here to see it or even help. But there was time, she thought. And she'd needed to be away, and there was Jack, who'd found them and seemed to have unflinchingly and generously given them his heart.
They both broke things, Rose was beginning to realize, she and the Doctor. Perhaps that was why they'd been so good together, right from the start. But not Jack, she hoped. They'd have to be careful of him. She understood that now, after Mickey, after everything. There were different kinds of love, and maybe not even always enough to go around. But it was Jack who'd helped her understand that. And who'd shown her, if indirectly, that she couldn't go home again. For visits, sure, but not really. Not forever. Because being left behind by the Doctor would mean... well, the end of everything.
Maybe not a comforting thought, but a true one. Jack had given her that much. And for that, and for the worship in his eyes when he looked at her and the Doctor, as if it didn't even matter how they felt about it, he'd always have a place inside her. And there was still that odd rush of tenderness that overtook her, whenever she looked at him. She wasn't in love with him, but there was something. She didn't understand it, but it was there, a fact.
"Time doesn't always run just one way," the Doctor said, seemingly apropos of nothing, but almost as if he could hear her. “The future leaves traces on the past.”
She stared at him, but he just lifted his eyebrows and beamed at her maddeningly. Jack looked up at the Doctor's words, and then looked at Rose questioningly. She shrugged. Jack shook his head in puzzlement, and went back to the fruit.
If she'd known then what she knew now, would she still have walked into the blue box?
Definitely. She wouldn't even blink, she thought, and felt the TARDIS pulse around her. She agreed, Rose thought. Must be right then, and she smiled a little at the silliness of the idea. She looked around contentedly.
"So back to the console room?" she suggested finally.
"You lot ready to take off?" the Doctor said, popping another seed into his mouth.
Jack pulled Rose into his lap, and tried to put the plant-hat on her head. She batted him away laughing. The Doctor looked at them fondly.
"Oh, yeah," Rose said, with a grin. "Where to next?"
end
Continue to the Ianto prequel, The Spectacular Catastrophe of Your Endless Childhood
Pairing/Characters: Jack/Nine/Rose/TARDIS to varying degrees and in varying combinations
Authors:
rm & kalichanRating/Warning: NC-17, het, slash, recreational intoxication (everyone not Jack is too uptight!!)
Summary: In which Captain Jack Harkness learns a new dance. Begins just after Doctor Who 1x10: The Doctor Dances, and goes on to bookend Doctor Who 1x11: Boomtown.
Wordcount: ~18,500, posted in three parts
Authors' Notes: This is a part of our Jack/Ianto series, I Had No Idea I Had Been Traveling. While it can be considered a prequel, it is in this position in the arc (after significant Jack/Ianto relationship development) for a timey-whimey reason, which will become clear later. You don't have to read the rest of the series to read this though. However, if you are reading that, you should read this, as it will be useful/relevant later.
Previous installments:
1. A Strange Fashion of Forsaking | 2. Dear Captain, Last Night I Slept in Mutiny | 3. To Learn This Holding and the Holding Back | 4. The Most Beautiful Girl in the World | 5. I Imagine You Now in That Other City | 6. Many of My Favorite Things Are Broken | 6.5 Up, Down, Strange, Charm, Truth, Beauty: or, A Child's Guide to Modern Physics | 7. In Our Bedroom After the War
And I Cannot Know How Long She Has Dreamed of All of You - Part 1 and Part 2
Leaving Raxacoricofallapatorius didn't go quite as smoothly as the Doctor had suggested it would, but Jack was beginning to expect that. And somehow, despite being chased with vinegar squirt guns and quizzed endlessly by bureaucrats after an incident with one of the attendant nursemaids (so not his fault, despite what the Doctor said -- he'd just been talking to the guy, and then his wife showed up, and well... yeah), they had made it off the planet relatively unscathed and had even managed to get Egg Margaret back to the hatchery where she belonged.
Which was good. What was less good was that Rose still looked abstracted and worried and like she was spinning endlessly inside her head about something, and despite all of Jack's attempts to jolly her out of her mood, or at least distract her from whatever was bothering her, she remained a different creature from the Rose he had first met hanging from the barrage balloon. She wasn't unkind, or even sulky; she just seemed very far away. This made Jack tense, and when he was tense, well, he got a little overprotective. Possibly a little overbearing. Unfortunately, this made the Doctor's hackles go up a fair amount, and Rose didn't seem interested in doing anything to smooth things over like she usually did.
After the Doctor (who'd been surreptitiously eying Rose and her mood for some time without commenting on it) had landed the TARDIS on the resort planet Froom-Upon-Harpwick, Rose announced that she'd be going off alone.
"Alone?" Jack sputtered. "Is that even safe?"
The Doctor said nothing, just kept tinkering away at yet another piece of the console that seemed to have come loose.
"Doctor?" Jack prodded.
"It's a resort," Rose said exhaustedly. "What could happen?"
"Plenty," the Doctor said. "Never seen anyone get into trouble like you."
"That's rich," said Rose. "Didn't I save your life first time we met?"
The Doctor grinned. "Yeah. You did."
"I need to think. I just... need some processing time. Please, Doctor."
"Catch," the Doctor said suddenly to her.
"What's this?" She turned over the small pyramid shaped object that he'd just thrown into her hands.
"A homing device; triangulates your position using the two suns," the Doctor said. "You go out by yourself, I want to know where you are. Don't lose that."
"Oh," she said, and slipped it into her pocket. "Cool."
Jack looked from the Doctor to Rose and then back. He didn't like this idea at all.
"Rose," he said. "Wouldn't it be more fun if--"
"I'll be back," she said, interrupting him. "I'm sure you can make do without me for a few hours, yeah?" And with that, she was gone.
Jack glared at the doorway. Then he shifted his glare to the Doctor. "How could you let her go off alone?" he said belligerently.
"Hand me that hydrospanner, would you, Captain? Not the heavy gauge, the other one."
"Stop ignoring me! Why did you let her leave?"
The Doctor didn't turn to look at him. "She's not a prisoner."
"She's upset, and you just let her go wandering off by herself."
"That's what she wanted." He tightened a bolt. "I've given her a homing device, so she can't get lost. Don't see the problem."
"That's not what she wants," Jack exclaimed. "She wants you."
"No, I think she wants to be away from me. And you. So, that's what she gets. She'll be back soon."
"We're in a ship the size of a galactic cruiser, if not bigger. The three of us could be in here for days without bumping into each other. What the hell did she need to go wandering around planetside alone for? She's just a girl."
"Think you might've spent a little too much time in the mid-twentieth," the Doctor suggested. "Might want to watch that. She can take care of herself. She doesn't need me running about after her."
"Are you actually this stupid, or is it some kind of act? Because I'm really beginning to wonder."
Finally the Doctor turned and pinned him with his gaze. "Care to rephrase that, Captain?"
"No," Jack said. "I think it was phrased just fine. You love her. She loves you. Anyone can see it. Why don't you just get over yourself and do something about it?"
"You don't know what you're talking about."
"But no, instead you've just got to be all emotionally damaged. What the hell's wrong with you?"
"There's nothing wrong with me just because I don't feel impelled to fuck every creature that's even marginally rated for sentience who crosses my path."
"This isn't about that, this is about Rose," Jack said.
"Who you just had to add to your lists of conquests, didn't you?"
"She's not a conquest."
"Then why are you so eager to push her off onto me?"
"Because that's where she belongs!" Jack said, anguish and frustration clear in his voice.
That stopped the Doctor, who looked at him curiously, and for a moment, Jack thought maybe the conversation was about to turn reasonable, even though the prospect disappointed him. Fact was, he wanted a fight. Which was why he almost smiled when the Doctor turned mean on him.
"And what does that make you? Just a slut for a night? Well. S'pose it fits."
It was, Jack mused, a bit like having his mother insulted. Because while the Doctor was happy to make it about him, truth was, it was about the world he had grown up in, his friends, his family, the beach settlement that had held them all so precariously, and the cities he'd eventually, thankfully, gratefully visited. It was the way of an entire time and place his life had hopscotched away from, and Jack found that while he was happy to take the Doctor's abuse -- wanted it even, because something about him and Rose had made him fucked up and stupid -- he had no patience for aspersions cast on what was once his.
So he did the only reasonable thing he could, and took a swing at the man, smiling when his punch landed.
The Doctor stumbled back but didn't go down. "You're a little boy, Captain and a careless one."
"You say it like I don't know."
"No, I say it like you don't care."
"Right. Which is why I was happy to get myself blown up for you people."
"That," the Doctor said, pointing at him, "that's exactly what I mean. No interest in fixing your mistakes, but you'll throw ourself after whatever you think is pretty for half a heartbeat."
"That makes no sense! I thought I was going to die!"
"But I wouldn't have let you," the Doctor said incredulously.
"Bullshit. You wish you had every day I'm here."
"Let's get something straight, Captain," the Doctor said advancing on him. "You're here for one reason and one reason only. And that's because Rose likes you. I don't like you, and your bullshit nobility about what is not actually going on between me and her isn't going to change that."
Jack jumped slightly as his back hit a wall. He thought about telling the Doctor he was a liar, thought too about punching him again. But then he smiled, and grabbed his lapels and dove in for a kiss instead.
"Ah ah ah," the Doctor said as he moved his head out of the way and grabbed Jack's wrists, twisting them free of his jacket and bringing the man's arms down between them.
"What?" Jack said, a bit incredulous that their lips hadn't met, that his ploy hadn't worked. "Don't you want to be damned together?"
"How's that?" The Doctor asked, his fingers digging bruises deep into Jack's wrists.
"We're both liars."
The Doctor had absolutely, positively had enough and let go of Jack's wrists and spun him around and pushed him against the wall.
"Don't you dare pretend to know what I am, Captain," he growled in Jack's ear. "You have no idea what I've done or why I've done it."
It was intriguing. Compelling even. And implied deep dark secrets that Jack instinctively wanted to suck on. But yet somehow -- and he could see how he had gotten there with the metaphor -- all he could come up with to say was, "You're hard."
"You win," the Doctor said, shoving against him. "Is that what you want to hear?"
"It's what I want to feel," Jack admitted with half a laugh.
The Doctor ignored the other man's nervous mirth and fisted a hand in Jack's hair, pushing his head forward and down to rest against the wall. He bit the back of Jack's neck.
"I do this, and I own you," the Doctor said, and Jack couldn't take it as a threat, even as his breath quickened with just the slightest bit of fear -- it'd been a while since he'd let a good fight take him to bed. After all, as far as he was concerned, the Doctor already did
own him.
Jack didn't even bother to acquiesce. "Not here," he breathed. "Rose."
"Shut it," the Doctor ordered. "I don't want to hear you."
"Not good at that," Jack ground out.
The Doctor laughed. It wasn't a comforting sound. "You talk just to hear yourself, don't you?" he asked conversationally. "Afraid of the dark, and the silence, so you natter on. In the quiet, you might have to see what you are."
"Yes," Jack gasped simply, the word stark, and plain, and true. It galled him a little, to be so easily known and despised all at once.
"Scared?" the Doctor asked.
"No," Jack said, closing his eyes, knowing he was lying and knowing the Doctor knew it too.
This man, the one who'd gone to the weapon factories of Villengard and left there a banana grove, how could he be frightening? And yet he was. Vicious and terrifying and utterly glorious; like being too close to the lightning of a summer storm.
The Doctor laughed again. It sent shivers of menace thrilling up and down Jack's spine.
"You wanted me?" he asked. "Been all come-hither, and begging for it, haven't you? You don't know what you've been asking."
"I do," Jack said, low in his throat.
"You don't, Captain. You know nothing. Not of war or pain or blood or death. And not of me."
Still holding him against the wall with one hand, the Doctor somehow had his screwdriver out, and Jack could feel it buzz down behind him, parting the weaving of his shirt and his khakis, all the way down, till he could feel his whole back exposed.
Jack spoke again, his voice hoarse. "I know you," he said, the words a talisman against whatever was about to happen here, however ugly and raw.
Because if he didn't keep going, if he didn't stay right here and take whatever was dished out, he was just going to run away again, run away forever, and Jack was fucking done with that. No more running. He'd found them, and he was never giving it up. Because if he did, it'd be over. That was it, he'd be all out of chances, and all alone in the dark. And Jack couldn't bear the thought of that, couldn't bear the idea of having had this and then having lost it because of his own despicable cowardice. So, no. For once in his life, he wasn't going to take the easy road. He was going to hold on come hell or high water. This time, he wasn't going to to let go.
The Doctor growled. "You rolled over pretty easy, Captain. Thought you'd put up more of a fight."
Me too, Jack thought, but didn't say. The Doctor was forcing him against the grillework now, and Jack held on as tightly as he could. He thought he could feel the ship hum underneath his fingers, and somehow, he was obscurely comforted. The Doctor'd let go of his brakes, he realized, but the TARDIS was still there, and she wouldn't let anything happen to him.
Great, the part of his mind that just never shut up said silently from somewhere far away, my only prayer is a fucking ship. The Doctor, Jack was beginning to understand, went around most of the time hidden and guarded, but behind the jokes and a manic grin something else lay, something terrible and fucking sublime. There's a reason apocalypse means unveiling and he couldn't help but wonder what he'd let himself in for.
"You see, you think I don't want things, think I'm a coward," the Doctor was saying, his breath hot in Jack's ear. "Maybe I just know the consequences of my desires. Maybe I know that if I fuck Rose she'll never be able to go home again, not really, and that's not fair. Maybe I know that if I give you what you want that won't be enough either."
"What do I want?" Jack asked, too aroused and disturbed and fascinated by this entire turn of events to be particularly worried at the way his voice cracked on the question.
"You want to be her," the Doctor said. "But you can't be. Not been innocent in a long time, I'd dare say, Captain."
He laughed darkly, and Jack found himself chuckling along with him, but it was merely a sound to mask something like panic. There were things that were not meant to be said aloud, not meant to be made real. No matter what he'd been taught at the Time Agency, the fact remained, magic still lived in the dark places of the universe, and it was here now, threatening to crawl up into him.
Literally, Jack thought with another burst of panicked and desperate amusement as the Doctor played his fingers against him and then pushed two up into him, as if this situation -- which he had clearly asked for and yet neither of them had really consented to -- somehow still demanded the niceties. Even without lube.
Jack intentionally banged his head against against the grate, so as to stop the world from narrowing to a single point too fast, just in case this was all he'd ever get from this man and lest he miss any of it. More than anything, Jack wanted to kiss him, and hold his face in his hands like a seer's bowl or a guardian against the cold.
He shivered.
"Don't fight me now, Captain," the Doctor growled in his ear, thrusting with those fingers and clearly following the motion with his entire body. "If you want to burn, then burn."
Jack made a sound like a sob and mourned.
The Doctor hated him. But also loved him. For being fragile and brave and stupid. But no one in the world was paying for that right now except the Captain. Except Jack. And that was beautiful, even if there were times, like these, when beauty was an insult. And the crushing heat of Jack's body promised to be in every way. Which wasn't a bad thing at all really, because the Doctor needed to hurt too, and he smiled at the promise of pain.
It was easy, so easy to force his way into Jack, who was willing, inviting even, but couldn't have been prepared for the brutality of it. The Doctor sucked in his breath harshly; after all this time, the shock of sensation still caught him by surprise. Humans. So ephemeral, so barbaric, and he more barbaric than the worst of them, because he knew better.
He shoved into Jack harder, intentionally trying to hurt now.
Because this was all there was left. He was like a conflagration, devouring everything in its wake and once he was done, they would be all gone, all used up, all ashes, and he'd be left alone. Like always, even in these most intimate of moments, alone.
This is why you can't have nice things, the Doctor thought bitterly. He groped for the remnants of his control; he could still stop, still walk away, but his mind was aflame, and he didn't want to, he wanted to shriek till his voice was ripped to shreds, till there was nothing left but that aching, agonizing howl, like a human staring into a dying star.
Beautiful.
No he thought. No. I will not be this. I'm better than this. He fought to keep his head above the swelling tide of anger and desire. Rose. A small note of warmth, of healing. Jack said she loves me. And I haven't spoilt it. Not yet.
Somehow that was enough to keep him anchored in the present. Here, with Jack. Not in the fires. Not wholly.
Jack moaned, a sound of anguish, and terror, and love, and the Doctor felt himself shake a little at the weight of it. Because Jack didn't matter to him, not like that, and that was a betrayal, one of a long, long line in his long, long life, and the Doctor didn't know if that would be the worst of it or if there was more yet to come, because he knew himself, and knew how he always in the end let people down, and yet here they were. Jack's hands clenched and unclenched as the Doctor thrust into him, and the Doctor felt as if each one were squeezing one of his hearts.
It was hot, and bright and like coming back to life after frostbite, just like this whole time with Rose had been, ever since the Autons in London. It was blinding, vicious pain, stinging like sharp thorns, and he didn't know whether to hate himself for surviving or give in to the overpowering glee.
I'm alive. This is life.
Jack felt the Doctor fuck into him, so hard, it was like being pierced with a bar of metal, and his own cock felt so enormously swollen, it was like some alien creature forced up against his belly, heavy and distended and aching.
The Doctor fisted one hand in his hair and with the other reached for his cock.
"Thank you. Yes. Yes. Yes... oh god. Please, please," Jack said, his voice breathless and high with it and so much gratitude as well.
"Are you trying to break my hearts, Captain?" the Doctor asked, and Jack loved the question because he knew it, a trope used in bed a thousand times to mean everything from 'you're overwhelmed and I think it's lovely' to 'I might be harboring a few inappropriately emotional sentiments towards you too.'
So while Jack felt broken, he also felt like he had won.
There were times the Doctor thought his species was far too close to humans for his -- or really anyone's -- comfort. Because he'd known doing this was a bad idea, yet here he was balls deep in the stray captain, and he really knew he shouldn't have said what he just did, lest it be taken the wrong way, but he had, and it had, and he was sort of enjoying it.
Because if Jack could beg him and plead with him and thank him, maybe that meant the Doctor could actually save someone by being kind, and that was a very, very dangerous idea.
He needed this to be over; it was already too much to process.
"Come on, Jack, come on, come for me," he chanted into his ear as he fucked him and pumped him. "Come all over my nice pretty ship like you've wanted to since you first set foot in her," the Doctor said, suddenly finding wickedness and amusement much like he had abruptly found dancing some weeks before.
"Please," Jack pleaded again, tossing his head back to rest awkwardly on the Doctor's shoulder.
"Yes. I said, yes, Jack. Do it already."
Jack chuckled darkly and came, head dropping against the wall again as his cock pulsed in the Doctor's hand.
"Time to hang on, Captain," the Doctor said as he grabbed Jack's hips.
"Always," Jack replied hoarsely, emotion covered by an obvious leer that made the Doctor happy he wasn't yet done fucking the lies from this man.
He fucked him with abandon, pushing him up with each stabbing thrust, and Jack was pressed against the grating, the metal imprinting its pattern on his cheek, his mouth open so he could suck in air, so he could gasp and strain to get the Doctor deeper into his pliant body, so he could give this man a safe harbor, just for this one moment, in a place free from storms. Jack felt his body quiver and shake, as tears poured down his face in an uncontrollable spasm that felt almost like coming again, in a violent and wrenching flood, that went on and on and on.
As the Doctor let go, letting himself fall into the vortex of sensation, he felt the world go impossibly sharp, and then recede away out of focus, the threads of time drawn in and blurred into a warm, fuzzy, selfish glow; bliss, that: letting it all slide, just for a second, the attention, the constant noise of possibility, all released to this little, insignificant feeling. He pounded into Jack and then felt the orgasm overtake him in one sweet, brief moment of complete oblivion that ended all too soon.
He closed his eyes, and pressed a kiss into the back of Jack's neck. It wasn't right, it would be misinterpreted, but the Doctor, for once, couldn't think of any words at all to communicate what he wanted to say.
Jack felt the Doctor's lips press against him and shuddered at the awful gentleness of the touch, too closely followed by him sliding out, leaving Jack feeling drained and empty and soaked with both sweat and tears. Though they were no longer joined, the Doctor'd collapsed against him, and Jack was holding himself up by one hand on the metal grating and sheer force of will. He used his free hand to scrub his face dry, not very successfully, but it was worth an effort.
Finally, the Doctor stood up straight and then slid to the floor, so he was sitting propped up against the wall next to Jack, who took a deep breath, and then did the same, so that they were now sitting side by side. Jack's clothes had fallen away from him to scatter around them, but he'd never been bothered by nakedness, and certainly wasn't going to start now. Even if the Doctor did still appear to be fully dressed. Somehow that was actually kind of funny, and Jack exhaled a short little laugh at the thought.
"Well," the Doctor said, finally breaking the silence. "That was... interesting."
Jack looked at him out of the corner of his eye, grateful the other man wasn't mentioning his tears. "One word for it, I guess."
"I'm sorry," said the Doctor, after a long pregnant pause.
"Please don't say that."
"Why?"
"I don't want to be a mistake." Anything but that.
They sat in an oddly unhostile silence for another few moments, before Jack started to lever himself up. "I've got to get some clothes on," he said, eying the Doctor, who had his head down, staring at the floor. "Rose should be back soon."
"Yeah," the Doctor agreed. "Probably not a bad idea."
"Doctor..." Jack started and then trailed off, not knowing how to finish the sentence.
"What is it?"
"You didn't do anything... I didn't want you to do, all right?"
The Doctor looked up at that. "I know, Jack," he said, and his voice was kind. "I'm sorry if I frightened you."
"You're pretty scary," Jack agreed.
"You held your own," said the Doctor.
Jack laughed. "Not really, but it's sweet of you to say."
The Doctor grinned at him. Then with one of those mercurial shifts in emotion that were so characteristic of him, he bounded to his feet. "Got something for you, Captain," he said and pulled out something on a long chain from the pocket of his jacket.
"What's this?" Jack said.
"A TARDIS key. Thought you should have one for your very own."
Jack stared at it blankly. A key. Like Rose's. A sign that he was welcome, wanted, not just a passenger or a stowaway that they couldn't figure out what to do with. A key.
"Is this like... payment?" he found himself blurting out, with no grace at all.
The Doctor shook his head.
"No," he said. "It's just a key. I was going to give it to you before, but then you got yourself into a bit of a strop, didn't you? Rose'll be ticked I did it when she wasn't here."
Jack laughed helplessly.
The Doctor grinned and Jack thought it might be the only thing they ever agreed on about sex, that one should laugh after it. But Jack wasn't worried about it. Didn't need to agree to be spectacular, and maybe Rose could put a little bit of sense into them both.
He was, in a way, glad to go back to his room. While the Doctor had been right -- he wasn't fond of quiet as a rule -- there was a stillness to being essentially alone that appealed to him, at least right now. He was more than a bit tempted to just crawl in bed and sleep without even bothering to shower in hopes that his sheets would smell a little of what he'd just done when he no doubt took himself in hand again this day or the next.
But he didn't want to wallow in it, not something this bright, and so he forced himself -- sore and tired and leaking -- to the shower and washed as he sang to himself. He didn't feel that light, not really, but he couldn't help but think that he might, soon.
Rose came back from her expedition with hats and fruit, but not hats with fruit she noted quite sternly as she passed her gifts around the TARDIS' kitchen.
The Doctor had wound up wearing something that looked a bit like a sombrero if it had been made from aloe plants, and Jack just stared miserably at his own version of the same as it rested between them on the table.
"Well, I didn't get the hats because I liked you!" Rose said, laughing at his pout, her hands on her hips.
"Were we behaving badly?" the Doctor asked just a bit sheepishly.
"Bit tense, yeah," Rose said.
"We're done with that now," Jack noted benignly, causing Rose to look between them with a sly smile.
"So I see."
"You know how the Captain is," the Doctor said without malice.
Jack winked at her. "And you should see how the Doctor is," he said, flirting on the other man's behalf.
"Oi!" he said, pulling off the alarmingly spiky hat and making as if to throw it with Jack.
"I'm trying to do you a favor here," Jack said, holding up his hands in innocence or perhaps surrender.
Rose giggled and blushed coyly, before picking up a large knife and hacking into the melon she had also brought "You eat the seeds," she said, proud to have something alien of her own to explain, as she pulled the halves apart.
"Like pumpkins," the Doctor noted. "or pomegranates."
"More like pomegranates, I think," Rose said.
"Tastes like limes," Jack said, after scooping up some seeds on his fingers and sucking them into his mouth.
"You just like having things to suck on," Rose said.
Jack frowned smugly. "True."
Rose looked at the Doctor.
"What?!? I wouldn't know!"
Rose raised an eyebrow.
"Really! I wouldn't!"
"Really, he doesn't," Jack said, fidgeting idly with the chain that held the Tardis key, which now rested against his chest. "You, on the other hand are much luckier..."
Rose's eyes widened as she noticed the key, and then she punched the Doctor in the arm.
"Ow!"
"You said you would wait!"
"Didn't quite work out that way," the Doctor said. He put his arm around Rose and gave her a quick one-armed hug. "Did you have a nice time then? Feel better?"
"Yeah, it was quite nice, really. Did you know they do panto here and everything? Apparently the original version of Peter Pan is alien? Didn't exactly get an explanation of that, but learn something new every day, right?"
"Think I've heard something about it, yeah," the Doctor said, with the lazy grin that said he knew more than he was telling. "Give me back my homing device."
She handed the thing to him, and he put it back into his pocket. Then she poked him playfully. "Can't believe I didn't have to use it, can you?"
"Wonders never cease, Rose Tyler," he said, with a grin.
"See, Captain, I can take care of myself," she said triumphantly.
"Are you sure this plant is safe?" Jack said, ignoring her, and poking at the purple spikes. "It looks poisonous."
"I don't think you're meant to eat it," Rose said.
"Forbidden fruit? Now you're just tempting me," Jack said, with a wink, before bending his head to pick out more seeds from the melon with great concentration.
Over his head, Rose and the Doctor exchanged a glance. The Doctor gave Rose a miniscule shrug, just a millimetre of movement. She wasn't sure what exactly had happened between them while she was gone, and she wasn't sure she wanted to either. He looked different though; the darkness that hid behind his eyes had lightened a little or maybe just changed its shade. She fought back the surge of jealousy that she hadn't been here to see it or even help. But there was time, she thought. And she'd needed to be away, and there was Jack, who'd found them and seemed to have unflinchingly and generously given them his heart.
They both broke things, Rose was beginning to realize, she and the Doctor. Perhaps that was why they'd been so good together, right from the start. But not Jack, she hoped. They'd have to be careful of him. She understood that now, after Mickey, after everything. There were different kinds of love, and maybe not even always enough to go around. But it was Jack who'd helped her understand that. And who'd shown her, if indirectly, that she couldn't go home again. For visits, sure, but not really. Not forever. Because being left behind by the Doctor would mean... well, the end of everything.
Maybe not a comforting thought, but a true one. Jack had given her that much. And for that, and for the worship in his eyes when he looked at her and the Doctor, as if it didn't even matter how they felt about it, he'd always have a place inside her. And there was still that odd rush of tenderness that overtook her, whenever she looked at him. She wasn't in love with him, but there was something. She didn't understand it, but it was there, a fact.
"Time doesn't always run just one way," the Doctor said, seemingly apropos of nothing, but almost as if he could hear her. “The future leaves traces on the past.”
She stared at him, but he just lifted his eyebrows and beamed at her maddeningly. Jack looked up at the Doctor's words, and then looked at Rose questioningly. She shrugged. Jack shook his head in puzzlement, and went back to the fruit.
If she'd known then what she knew now, would she still have walked into the blue box?
Definitely. She wouldn't even blink, she thought, and felt the TARDIS pulse around her. She agreed, Rose thought. Must be right then, and she smiled a little at the silliness of the idea. She looked around contentedly.
"So back to the console room?" she suggested finally.
"You lot ready to take off?" the Doctor said, popping another seed into his mouth.
Jack pulled Rose into his lap, and tried to put the plant-hat on her head. She batted him away laughing. The Doctor looked at them fondly.
"Oh, yeah," Rose said, with a grin. "Where to next?"
Continue to the Ianto prequel, The Spectacular Catastrophe of Your Endless Childhood
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Date: 2008-10-09 07:31 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-10-09 09:14 pm (UTC)(no subject)
From:(no subject)
Date: 2008-10-09 08:15 pm (UTC)and
"suddenly finding wickedness and amusement much like he had abruptly found dancing some weeks before"
absolutely fantastic (and fanTAStic). Jack falling down while dancing with Rose in the TARDIS was PERFECT as a symbol encapsulating what's happening to him here.
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Date: 2008-10-09 09:15 pm (UTC)Thank you!
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Date: 2008-10-09 09:01 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-10-09 09:15 pm (UTC)Well, _some_ issues. I mean they are the awesome ex-bf superheroes at the end of DW, Season 3.
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Date: 2008-10-09 11:27 pm (UTC)My favorite bit was Nine's reaction when Jack spoke about war in a romantic, glamorized, simplified manner. It was just a strong contrast to the way he is now, one that really worked for me.
Also, I haven't read much fic featuring Rose, but I loved her here, and she read very much like she did in the show.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-10-10 12:54 am (UTC)Oh it was so nice to see Jack as the young one here!
Oh, yes! We had such an interesting time trying to find this Jack, but yes, he's young, and really (though he doesn't think so) still sort of innocent. At least in comparison.
Also, I haven't read much fic featuring Rose, but I loved her here, and she read very much like she did in the show.
That is a lovely compliment; thank you! We really love all of them, and we're thrilled she worked for you.
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From:(no subject)
Date: 2008-10-10 12:34 am (UTC)You two spoil me for other fic. Sometimes, you two spoil me for *canon*. Is that blasphemy?
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Date: 2008-10-10 12:56 am (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2008-10-10 12:36 am (UTC)Here, I particularly enjoyed all the layered conversations between Jack and the Doctor, Rose wanting Jack so much she made love to him with the Doctor beside her, and that last scene of much deeper understanding between the two men. Wonderful work!
(I see from comments that you're also writing Jack in TW era - is that a Ianto or Gwen pairing, or does it still involve the Doctor? If the latter, I'd be interested in reading more, but I can't stand either Ianto or Gwen so would have to bow out if it's either of them).
(no subject)
Date: 2008-10-10 12:48 am (UTC)This probably could have been clearer, but actually part 2 of the story leaves off right before Boom Town and this last part starts off right after it - they've dropped off Egg!Margaret, and Rose is still pretty upset about the Mickey thing - hence her need to go off and process -- leaving Jack & Nine up to their hijinks! Now we just sort of imagine them having more adventures until it's time for Bad Wolf to begin. And in my mind at least, there's lots more - I always wished for at least a season of the three of them, much as I love and adore Ten.
This main story arc is a Jack/Ianto pairing, though Ten will be a main character in the next installments. However, we've got other Jack/Doctor things planned, so you should check us out for those in the future.
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
Date: 2008-10-10 12:45 am (UTC)Having said that: I HATE ROOOOOOOOSE! Sorry, I just roally needed to get that out. I hate Rose. I hate, hate, hate Rose. seriously, what is it about her that the Doctor sees? Or Jack? Or anyone, really. Gosh, I can't stand her. I love the Doctor, though.
I don't really think the Doctor would've had sex with Jack. I don't think he's like that. I can't see him on a sexual way, he's just... the Doctor. He plays around and stuff, yes, but I really don't think he'd ever do it with Jack. This part actually bothered me a little, canonly (does that exist?) speaking. But one thing is canon and other thing is fanfiction, and in your context it made sense and everything. And I liked that you made it a major importance point for Jack. Like he was a guy that came from a time and a place where sex meant nothing. From a lustful thing it turned into, I don't know, a sort of a twist point thing.
I so want to get rid of Rose, though...
(no subject)
Date: 2008-10-10 01:07 am (UTC)As regards the sex, well certainly, many, many people agree with you. For me, Nine pretty much dripped sex all the time, but I could see how other people might have differing interpretations. I think one of the things we were trying to make clear in the story though was that sex doesn't mean the same things to him that it does to Jack. He's on a very different level of existence. But yes, for Jack, the earth moved - both times.
Thanks so much for reading, esp. since you don't like Rose, and don't like Doctor!sex. We always look forward to your comments.
(no subject)
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Date: 2008-10-10 12:56 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-10-10 01:09 am (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2008-10-10 12:57 am (UTC)And god, but you guys write so very well, I don't even know what to say. I devour every word; I rush headlong into every sentence, because I know it's going to hold beauty and revelations and humour and... *flails* Just wow.
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Date: 2008-10-10 01:12 am (UTC)And your compliments on the writing - thank you, really. It means a lot.
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From:(no subject)
Date: 2008-10-10 01:03 am (UTC)I felt sort of... left out/left behind on some scenes (as warned about in the Warning) because I can't go there, but that's my issue.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-10-10 01:15 am (UTC)Awesome comment! :-D Thank you so much.
I felt sort of... left out/left behind on some scenes (as warned about in the Warning) because I can't go there, but that's my issue.
This is interesting, but can you say more? Like some scenes didn't work for you because of pairing? or what exactly? Sorry. I am slow today.
(no subject)
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Date: 2008-10-10 01:04 am (UTC)I think you really nailed it with this paragraph:
They both broke things, Rose was beginning to realize, she and the Doctor. Perhaps that was why they'd been so good together, right from the start. But not Jack, she hoped. They'd have to be careful of him. She understood that now, after Mickey, after everything. There were different kinds of love, and maybe not even always enough to go around. But it was Jack who'd helped her understand that. And who'd shown her, if indirectly, that she couldn't go home again. For visits, sure, but not really. Not forever. Because being left behind by the Doctor would mean... well, the end of everything.
Yes. So very much yes.
Thank you, again, for sharing.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-10-10 01:17 am (UTC)(no subject)
From:(no subject)
Date: 2008-10-10 03:32 am (UTC)You both should know that I reread your stories several times because you just have so much fun with words, and I am completely amazed each and every time at your ability to convey so much with a few sentences. I find myself cutting and pasting bits so that I can quote you and say what I particularly loved, but end up only picking my very favorite bits, b/c otherwise my comments would just look ridiculous. so, i gotta just pick the one, i guess:
The Doctor hated him. But also loved him. For being fragile and brave and stupid.
if the speaker wasn't identified, one could think this was jack musing about ianto. love. thank you.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-10-10 03:43 am (UTC)And if we had prizes, you would win one for that! Thank you so much; it is great to have that picked up on. This is a Jack/Nine/Rose fic, certainly, but it's there to highlight all the ways in which Jack has changed, and flipped and altered; the relationship with Ianto is meant to be read in every piece of this - as the Doctor says, the future leaves traces on the past, and as Jack says, all times are now.
We are so thrilled that you enjoyed it!
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
Date: 2008-10-10 03:53 am (UTC)And, uh... Hello?
I've been stalking your journal waiting for an update, and you have *no* idea how happy I am that you chose tonight to post.
I *was* going to spend my evening being miffed about my teacher spending the entire latter half of a four-hour class going on about how Edward Abbey's "Serpents of Paradise" was about *overcoming a fear of snakes*(huh?), buuut reading this sounds like more fun.
...and I'm off!
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Date: 2008-10-10 04:03 am (UTC)...
I'm just gonna shut up now. Thank you so much for dropping in and saying hi! We love you too. Hope you enjoy, and look forward to hearing what you think, should you feel so inclined.
Don't mind me, I've gone a little bit manic. It should pass.
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
Date: 2008-10-10 04:31 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-10-10 04:38 am (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2008-10-10 06:16 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-10-10 01:39 pm (UTC)And the Jack/Nine scene was a very strong visual for us, so it's great that it rang true. Thank you so much! We're delighted you enjoyed it.
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
Date: 2008-10-10 08:32 am (UTC)I keep hearing that sentence in my head, echoing.
Thank you, you two, for another of these fics. I am, as always, in awe of your talent and hard work.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-10-10 01:42 pm (UTC)And Nine is a very scary fellow, isn't he?
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From:(no subject)
Date: 2008-10-10 01:26 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-10-10 01:36 pm (UTC)http://kalichan.livejournal.com/136737.html
Love your icon!
(no subject)
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Date: 2008-10-10 04:36 pm (UTC)The sex Nine and Jack have is the only way the two ever could have had sex. It's all part of control and I'm thinking that Nine gave Jack what he wanted so he'd stop to go on about him and Rose. Keep Jack in a blissful state of rose-coloured glasses and be safe from having to think about what's between him and Rose... even if it is obvious.
I love the comparison Rose draws between her and Nine and they do very much break Jack, break him emotionally, mentally, physically and then abandon him and barely think about it twice. And that's his penance and it's an incredibly cruel one.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-10-10 05:52 pm (UTC)(no subject)
From:(no subject)
Date: 2008-10-10 10:30 pm (UTC)What I liked best here is to see Jack's mind working, and the way it makes him who he is. That he actually has moments of acting out of the character he wants to be, and does something to overcome them feels so real to me -- not only, or maybe not even especially for Jack, but in general. The fact that one can create, in part at least, one's self by action is so well expressed in half a sentence. There are other moments that show how Jack creates himself ("I don't want to be a mistake"), and I just love it.
And that Jack regards the Doctor calling him a slut as an insult not against himself, but against his upbringing, his culture and his home brings [your take on] Jack's background into focus so well and creates it without much description.
I read the whole story with an underlying theme of tragedy waiting to happen, because those two people that make Jack feel as if he ended up in heaven will betray him before the season ends -- innocently in the case of Rose, less so in the case of the Doctor, and for the TARDIS, who can say?
The Doctor is alien and scary and a little annoying through not much fault of his own. The scene with Jack and Rose having sex in the library while the Doctor sits by was the height of uncomfortable for me and really makes me wonder what goes on in the Doctor's mind -- but I like wondering about these things, that (nearly) makes up for the uncomfortable.
The scene with Jack and the Doctor, OTOH, was both hot and very interesting in that neither really knew who the other was -- all those false or doubtful assumptions, and still getting kind of where they want to.
I don't quite get from the interaction between Jack and the Doctor here to the way Jack thinks of the Doctor later, both in the series and in your stories, but I'm working on it. You have so much going on below the surface in your stories that it's always worth reading them more than once (or twice).
And there's already more!
<is undecided whether to re-read or to continue now...>
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Date: 2008-10-13 04:15 am (UTC)I think your note on Jack's self-construction and performance of himself is very true. It's part of what makes him so interesting to delve into; he's got very involved in the character that he projects, so much so, it's hard sometimes to figure out where his "real" or "original" self begins.
I read the whole story with an underlying theme of tragedy waiting to happen, because those two people that make Jack feel as if he ended up in heaven will betray him before the season ends -- innocently in the case of Rose, less so in the case of the Doctor, and for the TARDIS, who can say?
*laughs* Indeed! I kept thinking about Jack jumping on the TARDIS in DW S3, and her trying to go to the ends of the universe to escape him, and then thinking, "Oh no, TARDIS, not you too! But you love Jack!" (One of
The scene with Jack and Rose having sex in the library while the Doctor sits by was the height of uncomfortable for me and really makes me wonder what goes on in the Doctor's mind
I can't speak for Rach, but it was pretty unsettling for me as well; one of the interesting things about writing it was trying to get into the Doctor's head; on the one hand, he loves Rose, and likes Jack - on the other, he's watching them like they're a show on the nature channel about primitive life forms. The multiplicity of motives that everyone has in that scene was also interesting to write; no one is telling the complete truth, especially perhaps to themselves.
While writing this, Rach remarked to me that the difference between writing Jack/Doctor and writing Jack/Ianto is that, at least Jack and Ianto are on pretty much the same page about their relationship; Jack and the Doctor, on the other hand, aren't even in the same book. Possibly their books aren't even written in the same language. They're both in the situation for vastly different reasons, but they're both getting something out of it.
I don't quite get from the interaction between Jack and the Doctor here to the way Jack thinks of the Doctor later, both in the series and in your stories, but I'm working on it.
That's very interesting. Well, it should become more clear when we get to the next parts of the main story arc. Where, if you'll indulge my curiosity, do you see the gaps?
Thank you so much again for this! Hope you enjoyed the little fluff piece; there'll be more actual story soon!
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
Date: 2008-10-29 11:16 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-10-30 04:18 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-11-13 08:52 am (UTC)(I've broken it, I believe, three times before in my entire life, and always been sorry before.)
Understand, I don't sexualize the Doctor. It comes from thinking of him as a spiritual uncle when I was three years old. It's always made watching Christopher Eccleston rather uncomfortable for me, because there's really no way not to sexualize that man with those eyes and that jacket...
"I do this, and I own you."
Yes, I'll be sleeping well tonight. Dear God.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-12-27 07:26 pm (UTC)I'm so glad you enjoyed the Doctor slash here! I completely agree with you re: Eccleston's Doctor, [Tennant's Doctor, though more romantic is far less sexualized, I find] and it was very interesting to delve a bit into the discomfort of that. *grins*
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Date: 2008-12-27 06:56 pm (UTC)Firstly, this prequel was so amazingly strange and beautiful that I can even, albeit temporarily, overlook the SEX IN THE TARDIS. The sex in the TARDIS that happened TWICE. Because even though there was sex in the TARDIS, it doesn't matter because it was so utterly compelling and believable. And nine's voice is just perfect. :D
Oh, and I love your Jack. It's so nice to read about his time with nine and Rose, and about his love for them both - I haven't read a good nine/rose/jack in ages!
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Date: 2008-12-27 07:23 pm (UTC)I don't know if it's Chris Eccleston's lesser involvement with the source material [as compared to Tennant's vehement NO SHAGGING IN THE TARDIS AT ALL EVER] or what, but for some reason Nine is a much sexier Doctor to me than Ten [in that I can actually see him having it, despite Ten's more outwardly romantic exterior]. Ten refused vehemently, in our latest installment, to allow anything of the sort to take place with him, or even within his sightline. *grin*
Jack/Rose/Nine was my first ship in this fandom, and Rach is quite fond of them as well, so this was a very precious time for our Jack; we're delighted you enjoyed it. Thanks again for reading and commenting!
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From:(no subject)
Date: 2009-03-07 07:06 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-03-16 01:14 pm (UTC)That just made me burst out laughing. Is that bad? >_>
Lovely story, lovely series. Thank you for writing them. :3
(no subject)
Date: 2009-06-16 06:35 pm (UTC)