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Oct. 3rd, 2004 10:57 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
fictionalOkay, this new update screen is weird. What, disappear for a couple of months, and everything changes?
Went to the medieval festical at the Cloisters today, and was filled with a crazed desire to embark on an SCA career. I'm slightly concerned that the reason I haven't followed through on so many of the weird quirks that I've wanted to pursue is lack of follow through. And why should investment be so frightening?Am I really that much of a dabbler/dillettante? That's a horrific thought.
There's also the fear that I only have so much room for commitment. This whole doctorate business is eating my soul. And while I do so love being obsessive about the pursuit of knowledge and its subtle power of secrets and mysteries; and my ambition seems like an all-devouring beast sometimes, unlike my fellow classmates, who seem to have embarked on this course for the true desire to teach and help others, where I merely revel in the thought of a captive audience, and the potential of notoriety in small ivory-tower circles, surely there is, and should be more to me than that.
And now, to return to Welsh (which sounds precisely like Elvish, and gives me a strange thrill every time I pronounce a word correctly...)
Went to the medieval festical at the Cloisters today, and was filled with a crazed desire to embark on an SCA career. I'm slightly concerned that the reason I haven't followed through on so many of the weird quirks that I've wanted to pursue is lack of follow through. And why should investment be so frightening?Am I really that much of a dabbler/dillettante? That's a horrific thought.
There's also the fear that I only have so much room for commitment. This whole doctorate business is eating my soul. And while I do so love being obsessive about the pursuit of knowledge and its subtle power of secrets and mysteries; and my ambition seems like an all-devouring beast sometimes, unlike my fellow classmates, who seem to have embarked on this course for the true desire to teach and help others, where I merely revel in the thought of a captive audience, and the potential of notoriety in small ivory-tower circles, surely there is, and should be more to me than that.
And now, to return to Welsh (which sounds precisely like Elvish, and gives me a strange thrill every time I pronounce a word correctly...)