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It all started out so innocently too.
EVE: So do you want to go to the Pirates of the Caribbean ULTIMATE FAN EVENT??? I won free tickets! We get to see the first movie on the big screen again! And then they show the trailer to the third one.
KALI: Uh...sure? Why not?
EVE: Great. It starts at 4pm Sunday.
4:00pm
KALI: Why are we still standing in line, surrounded by idiots?
4:30pm
KALI: Why are we still standing in line, surrounded by idiots?
5:15pm
KALI (shuffling slowly into the movie theater, spirit deadened): Eve, I'm going to kill you. Piratically.
5:20pm: Costume contest and raffle begins. Pirate "wenches" begin playing trivia game. Contestants attempt effort at Jack Sparrow accent.
KALI cries.
6:00pm: Movie begins.
7:20pm: Kali tries to visit bathroom, is tripped by piratical moron sitting adjacent. Jams thumb as she falls.
8:10pm: FINALLY Eve & Kali exit movie theater, ravenous and dispirited. (Though the trailer didn't actually look that bad. Not sure they needed to show it TWICE though.) Over burgers, Kali attempts to summarize Pirates 2 for Eve's benefit.
KALI: So Jack's lost his spirit. Or Will or something. And is sad. And the compass no longer works. And then there's Will's dad, who's working for Davy Jones?? who has a squidface. And Bootstrap's got a starfish face. And then there's Elizabeth who's gone very pirate-y. And she kisses Jack, but only to feed him to the Kraken, but also because he's smoking hot. Then she is sad. Will sees that, and (understandably, as he wants to keep both Jack & Elizabeth all to himself) is very pissed. And there's 235982 repetitions of the rum joke. And then there's this witch, and they have to rescue Jack from the dead, so Capt. Barbossa comes back to help them. He's eating an apple. Oh, yeah, and Norrington's been un-commodored.
EVE: ??????
8:40pm: Eve & Kali walk towards 7th Ave. Huge crowds of disgruntled teenagers walking the streets. Very unnerving. Eve and Kali approach police officer, who informs them that there's been a High School Basketball Game at MSG, and they should GET OUT OF THE AREA IMMEDIATELY.
EVE & KALI: Er??
Eve & Kali decided to walk back to 8th Ave and catch the A. Naturally Kali just misses the train. Eve gets into the downtown side, and catches her train immediately. EXIT EVE.
KALI waits about on platform. E train goes by. Kali waits some more. F train pulls into station. Kali is somewhat confused, as this is not the correct line for the F, but puts it down to more MTA whatthefuckery.
F TRAIN: (sits innocently in station, doors open. Minutes pass.)
KALI: decides to take out book. Shouting erupts from one end of the station. Kali pays it no mind, thinking it's more high school students being asshats.
Suddenly there's more shouting. Kali continues reading. Then Kali looks up as people run past. Just as Kali realises that these people are in fact police officers WITH GUNS DRAWN, running down the platform, and are yelling, "GET INTO THE TRAIN, GET INTO THE TRAIN NOW!!!!" one of the nice officers of the law, in fact, shoves her into the train. Kali falls into the subway car, and bruises entire left side of body. Police officers carry on shouting. People huddle in subway car. Shots are fired.
KALI: (cowers)
Time passes.
People start coming back into the subway station. People begin leaving the train. Kali decides that she wants out of this INCREDIBLY SCARY SUBWAY STATION, and exits back onto the street. She tries to walk up eighth Ave, but is stopped by more Police officers who tell her that people are shooting up there. Kali is now very confused. THEN ALL THE STREETLIGHTS GO OUT.
KALI (cowers)
Kali walks toward seventh ave. More mounted police officers gallop down Seventh Ave. Huge crowds of aforementioned high school students begin to incite each other to riot. Kali thinks fondly of the penance she will exact from Eve when (if) she makes it out of midtown alive.
FINALLY Kali makes it to 42nd Street, where, as it turns out ANOTHER gun battle has been occurring. After much waiting about in cordoned off area, where Kali cowers, and tries very hard not to look like a person of color, she is finally allowed into train, and gets home.
EVE: So do you want to go to the Pirates of the Caribbean ULTIMATE FAN EVENT??? I won free tickets! We get to see the first movie on the big screen again! And then they show the trailer to the third one.
KALI: Uh...sure? Why not?
EVE: Great. It starts at 4pm Sunday.
4:00pm
KALI: Why are we still standing in line, surrounded by idiots?
4:30pm
KALI: Why are we still standing in line, surrounded by idiots?
5:15pm
KALI (shuffling slowly into the movie theater, spirit deadened): Eve, I'm going to kill you. Piratically.
5:20pm: Costume contest and raffle begins. Pirate "wenches" begin playing trivia game. Contestants attempt effort at Jack Sparrow accent.
KALI cries.
6:00pm: Movie begins.
7:20pm: Kali tries to visit bathroom, is tripped by piratical moron sitting adjacent. Jams thumb as she falls.
8:10pm: FINALLY Eve & Kali exit movie theater, ravenous and dispirited. (Though the trailer didn't actually look that bad. Not sure they needed to show it TWICE though.) Over burgers, Kali attempts to summarize Pirates 2 for Eve's benefit.
KALI: So Jack's lost his spirit. Or Will or something. And is sad. And the compass no longer works. And then there's Will's dad, who's working for Davy Jones?? who has a squidface. And Bootstrap's got a starfish face. And then there's Elizabeth who's gone very pirate-y. And she kisses Jack, but only to feed him to the Kraken, but also because he's smoking hot. Then she is sad. Will sees that, and (understandably, as he wants to keep both Jack & Elizabeth all to himself) is very pissed. And there's 235982 repetitions of the rum joke. And then there's this witch, and they have to rescue Jack from the dead, so Capt. Barbossa comes back to help them. He's eating an apple. Oh, yeah, and Norrington's been un-commodored.
EVE: ??????
8:40pm: Eve & Kali walk towards 7th Ave. Huge crowds of disgruntled teenagers walking the streets. Very unnerving. Eve and Kali approach police officer, who informs them that there's been a High School Basketball Game at MSG, and they should GET OUT OF THE AREA IMMEDIATELY.
EVE & KALI: Er??
Eve & Kali decided to walk back to 8th Ave and catch the A. Naturally Kali just misses the train. Eve gets into the downtown side, and catches her train immediately. EXIT EVE.
KALI waits about on platform. E train goes by. Kali waits some more. F train pulls into station. Kali is somewhat confused, as this is not the correct line for the F, but puts it down to more MTA whatthefuckery.
F TRAIN: (sits innocently in station, doors open. Minutes pass.)
KALI: decides to take out book. Shouting erupts from one end of the station. Kali pays it no mind, thinking it's more high school students being asshats.
Suddenly there's more shouting. Kali continues reading. Then Kali looks up as people run past. Just as Kali realises that these people are in fact police officers WITH GUNS DRAWN, running down the platform, and are yelling, "GET INTO THE TRAIN, GET INTO THE TRAIN NOW!!!!" one of the nice officers of the law, in fact, shoves her into the train. Kali falls into the subway car, and bruises entire left side of body. Police officers carry on shouting. People huddle in subway car. Shots are fired.
KALI: (cowers)
Time passes.
People start coming back into the subway station. People begin leaving the train. Kali decides that she wants out of this INCREDIBLY SCARY SUBWAY STATION, and exits back onto the street. She tries to walk up eighth Ave, but is stopped by more Police officers who tell her that people are shooting up there. Kali is now very confused. THEN ALL THE STREETLIGHTS GO OUT.
KALI (cowers)
Kali walks toward seventh ave. More mounted police officers gallop down Seventh Ave. Huge crowds of aforementioned high school students begin to incite each other to riot. Kali thinks fondly of the penance she will exact from Eve when (if) she makes it out of midtown alive.
FINALLY Kali makes it to 42nd Street, where, as it turns out ANOTHER gun battle has been occurring. After much waiting about in cordoned off area, where Kali cowers, and tries very hard not to look like a person of color, she is finally allowed into train, and gets home.
