virgos and their silly lists

good things:
last night i managed to write two whole paragraphs on the silly novel type thing that i am working on. (the amount would be pathetic, but it's the most i've managed in weeks);
i cleaned half my house. (well maybe more like a third, but hey, who's counting.);
i fell even more in love with John Cusack last night as I re-watched Grosse Point Blank;
i exhausted myself, so that by the time i went to bed, i was really really sleepy, and didn't have to deal with insomnia eating my head.

not-so-good things:
the sunshine went away;
my stomach decided to try and come out of every orifice it could think of;
i had the nightmares again. those ones. with her in them. could i fucking get over this already? please?;
i still have the rest of my house to clean, and laundry to do;
i'm hungry, and there's no food here;
my head feels like it's been stuffed with sawdust and ground glass, and then, to add insult to injury, it feels like it's been pickled;
and, like Emily of New Moon, i am far too obsessed with italics.

and, did i mention that i'm hungry?

love hurts

there are certain people whose voices can make me want to cry with a simple change of inflection.

my throat gets all choked up with the tears that i have no concrete reason to shed.

and i'm not even unhappy. i just suddenly realize the potential of how much i can be wounded. my skin feels tender all over, all at once anticipating being kissed, or killed.

old appliances and sentimentality

the video store was out of all the delightfully depressing movies that i thought i might inflict upon us this evening. so i settled for Shakespeare in Love, and the Matrix on dvd. d. wants to test his "new" DVD player (housewarming present, courtesy of kittie i think) and flat screen tv (just bought yesterday!)

i got Shakespeare in Love on video simply because he also still has the VCR that we bought together in san diego. and i remember the night that we got it. it was probably about ten pm. and i really wanted to watch a movie. (probably it was one of those evenings in that apartment where the silence was too deafening for us to even try and break it with words.) and i told him i wanted him to buy me a vcr. right that second. and he did. from kozmo.com (ahh, weren't those the days) and it was delivered to our door, in twenty minutes, along with two movies.

the vcr will probably break at some point, and then i'm going to take it from him, and stuff it in a closet somewhere as a reminder of those halcyon dot-com days. and more importantly, so that i remember that even the most desperate nights can sometimes be saved.

and now, off to movie night...