kali

I just finished my last paper of this semester. It is approximately 7:30am - I have been awake forever, and I am sad. Not because the paper is done, but I just re-read it and didn't like it. I'm hoping that this is just late night - early morning heebie jeebies -
but that part of me that just generally believes I suck in every bad way imaginable - is refusing to shut the fuck up. So okay.

I've got a resolve on to work harder - and looking back at this semester, I can see all the ways that I could have - mostly involving doing work when I say I'm going to, and not just reading fanfic, or day-dreaming instead. But in other ways, I feel like I gave up so many things I wanted to do, so I could study, or work, or whatever. And then instead, I just frittered away my time.

No more. I have so many things I want to do. Two people have taken up residence in my head, and I'm so happy to have them, and eventually I hope they'll say some stuff to me that screams to be written down, and I will stop what I'm doing and do just that. There'll never be a better time to start then now.

good things:
last night i managed to write two whole paragraphs on the silly novel type thing that i am working on. (the amount would be pathetic, but it's the most i've managed in weeks);
i cleaned half my house. (well maybe more like a third, but hey, who's counting.);
i fell even more in love with John Cusack last night as I re-watched Grosse Point Blank;
i exhausted myself, so that by the time i went to bed, i was really really sleepy, and didn't have to deal with insomnia eating my head.

not-so-good things:
the sunshine went away;
my stomach decided to try and come out of every orifice it could think of;
i had the nightmares again. those ones. with her in them. could i fucking get over this already? please?;
i still have the rest of my house to clean, and laundry to do;
i'm hungry, and there's no food here;
my head feels like it's been stuffed with sawdust and ground glass, and then, to add insult to injury, it feels like it's been pickled;
and, like Emily of New Moon, i am far too obsessed with italics.

and, did i mention that i'm hungry?