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fictionalsunrise. been a while since i've woken up for one of those.
E. just called. she and her housemates are all rolling! it's been a long time since i got one of those phone calls. it was great.
i remember the first time i rolled, in ithaca, with k. - and the strangest thing about it all was how i didn't feel altered in the slightest, just like the best and clearest part of myself. it was only later, playing with d. and k. together (and much much later, playing with larger groups of people) that i really appreciated the whole experience as a mind altering one. that was when i learned to use toys, and tricks, and really wallow in the cuddly, oily, craziness of it. but in the beginning, it was long walks, and deep conversations, and giggles and snow. an organic happiness.
in some ways i think i'm lucky, because unlike so many other people i know, i never had the opportunity (or even desire) to overdose on rolling, so it remained a fun thing for me, and didn't totally fuck up my psyche, or my relationships, or my sanity. (no, i just did a fine job on those things all on my own!)
anyway, talking to E. was lovely - although i wish i could have been there, sounds like a spiffy party. i haven't had one of those in a very very very long time. it's always the best to hear intoxicated and uninhibted words of love, when you know they are not caused or even induced by the drug at all.
now however, i will not be able to go back to sleep. i remember this from being awakened in the late night/early morning by phone calls from d. it seems that once i'm awake - i'm awake.
E. just called. she and her housemates are all rolling! it's been a long time since i got one of those phone calls. it was great.
i remember the first time i rolled, in ithaca, with k. - and the strangest thing about it all was how i didn't feel altered in the slightest, just like the best and clearest part of myself. it was only later, playing with d. and k. together (and much much later, playing with larger groups of people) that i really appreciated the whole experience as a mind altering one. that was when i learned to use toys, and tricks, and really wallow in the cuddly, oily, craziness of it. but in the beginning, it was long walks, and deep conversations, and giggles and snow. an organic happiness.
in some ways i think i'm lucky, because unlike so many other people i know, i never had the opportunity (or even desire) to overdose on rolling, so it remained a fun thing for me, and didn't totally fuck up my psyche, or my relationships, or my sanity. (no, i just did a fine job on those things all on my own!)
anyway, talking to E. was lovely - although i wish i could have been there, sounds like a spiffy party. i haven't had one of those in a very very very long time. it's always the best to hear intoxicated and uninhibted words of love, when you know they are not caused or even induced by the drug at all.
now however, i will not be able to go back to sleep. i remember this from being awakened in the late night/early morning by phone calls from d. it seems that once i'm awake - i'm awake.
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(no subject)
Date: 2004-06-19 06:14 am (UTC)WORD, lady. I feel the same way.
I also don't like when people generalize about E, or blame more on the drug itself than is warranted. Take some responsibility for your own brain chemistry/addictive personality, you know? Then again, the drug war has attempted to make us all enemies of drugs, when the real enemy is addiction.
I think I stopped making sense.
(no subject)
Date: 2004-06-19 09:55 am (UTC)it's a question of degree, i suppose.
(no subject)
Date: 2004-06-19 09:07 pm (UTC)Yeah, I know. I dated Ed, remember? Can we say, no, SCREAM emotionally unavailable???