and so, goodnight. we go over the top tomorrow.

[fictional]

I've lots of things to post about - drinking absinthe, bombs, food porn, etc. etc., but this is not that post.

I've just discovered that Lucy Maud Montgomery killed herself in 1942. Anne & Emily, Valancy & Pat and Jane - they were some of the dearest friends of my childhood. And this year, I've been reading L.M. Montgomery's journals for my dissertation - and reading someone's diary is such an intimate feeling, even after they've been published, even after they're dead.

I remember discovering the short stories - ghosts, and divorces and illegitimate children and alcholics and depressions, always depression - and I was so fascinated.

This, though. This makes me feel... I don't know what.

Comments

[liss76.livejournal.com]

(Hi -- found your journal through your fanfic. ;) )

I have much the same reaction to this news. Her books were a huge part of my childhood and she is still one of my favorite authors -- I have been amassing a collection of the earlier prints of the books over the past few years. While this news doesn't exactly surprise me, it does give me pause to reflect on the underlying darkness in even her happiest of stories. I think it was the hidden darkness in her writing that appealled to me in the first place, really.

[kalichan.livejournal.com]

Hi! Welcome! Pull up a chair, stay a while =)

Yeah, she never gets old for me either. I completely agree about the darkness. Emily especially is one of my favorites for that very reason. I think the suicide bothers me in this case especially because I feel like she would've hated herself for it a bit, if that makes sense? I keep thinking of endurance and perseverance, and a depression that doesn't allow you to go on.

Reading her journals was amazing; she talks so frankly about sex and so on, it really fascinated me.

[liss76.livejournal.com]

I have been meaning to read her journals for a long time -- they're on my Amazon "wish list". I keep checking for them in the used bookstores -- you're not the first person who has mentioned their fascination.

As a sufferer of depression, I can understand the suicide. Yes, in her healthy mind she probably would have been disappointed. The thing with depression, though, is that once it gets hold it can dramatically alter the way one perceives the surrounding world and have a great impact on one's reactions. I know that when I look back and read some of the things I've written in my darkest points, it seems impossible that it could have been me.

I find her books share a common theme of being alone in a crowd -- all the clans, tight-knit communities -- "fishbowl syndrome", as I've been known to call it. It's not far off from the way a depressive views the world -- somewhat seperate or aloof from all that goes on around.

[sykii.livejournal.com]

Glargh.

[kalichan.livejournal.com]

Indeed. Sigh.

World's going to hell in a handbasket.

*love*

[sanginmychains.livejournal.com]

So far, I have not yet met someone who was capable of creating rich, wonderful fantasies who wasn't coping with some pretty spectacular darkness. It's as if the ability to fantasize fully, to create and inhabit a world of non-reality, is a coping mechanism for those who want to escape their own realities.

[kalichan.livejournal.com]

I'm reminded of Tolkien who talking about escapist literature said there were two ways of thinking of escape - as frivolity (escape from reality) and as necessity (escape, as if from a prison.)

Does "reality" need to be a prison in order to create this kind of thing? All mad people aren't geniuses; but all geniuses are mad.

[sanginmychains.livejournal.com]

If your reality is a prison, then suddenly finding ways to escape seems like a more viable use of your time than, say, doing your dishes, working on your golf swing, working things out with your abusive parents...

Lots of people could be good writers. I think it's mostly damaged people who are motivated to work at it.

[kalichan.livejournal.com]

No, I agree.

One of my favorite quotes about writers and cushioning re-entry -- incidentally, straight from Cardiff *grin* is:

The life of a writer is absolute hell compared to that of a businessman. The writer has to force himself to work. He has to make his own hours and if he doesn't go to his desk at all there is nobody to scold him. If he is a writer of fiction he lives in a world of fear. Each day demands new ideas and he can never be sure whether he is going to come up with them or not. Two hours of writing fiction leaves this writer absolutely drained. For those two hours he has been miles away, he has been somewhere else, in a different place with totally different people and the effort of swimming back into normal surroundings is very great, It is almost a shock. He wants a drink. He needs it. It happens to be a fact that nearly every writer of fiction drinks more whisky than is good for him. He does it to give himself faith, hope and courage. The writer walks out of his workroom in a daze. A person is a fool to become a writer. His only compensation is absolute freedom. He has no master except his own soul, and that I am sure is why he does it - Roald Dahl

[stardragonca.livejournal.com]

If Homer had not been blind, he would have been out doing Homeric things.
The difference between writers and other people is that writers stay at their desks and write, while other people go and do other things.
Writers write because they must. Which is also why readers read.

[valancy-joy.livejournal.com]

You can't read "The Blue Castle" -- easily my favorite book of all time, as might be obvious from my user name -- without getting a sense that she knew about the dark corners.

And I remember reading those journals years ago ... and thinking how lonely she was...

[kalichan.livejournal.com]

I love The Blue Castle and also the name "Valancy". She gives 'em all happy endings though. I wish she could've had one.

The part in the journals about her love affair was so terrible!

[magnetgirl.livejournal.com]

Jesus H CHRIST! I never knew that either, how awful!! Anne was my patron siant, you know that Diana ;)

[kalichan.livejournal.com]

*g* Bosom friends!

Anne was my patron siant,.

[stardragonca.livejournal.com]

I am friending you for that!

[framefolly.livejournal.com]

> This, though. This makes me feel... I don't know what.

Me, too. Me, too.

[kalichan.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it's quite a puzzle. I wish I had eloquent things to say; instead it's just... blank.