Writing sex: a confession

[fictional]

It may come as a surprise to those of you who read IHNIIHBT, which is sort of a pornographic epic, but I greatly dislike writing sex.

No, really.

I hate it a lot. Which is funny because lately, we've been doing a lot of it.

Don't get me wrong. I love that our story is so filthy and x-rated. In fact, sometimes I even think it could stand to be filthier. I like reading sex. Oh man, do I. Porn, for me, is a primarily written-word driven thing, and it was that way long before I discovered fandom and its box of erotic delights. Think reading bodice-rippers and skimming my way through Tess of the D'Urbervilles at seven, desperately (and unsuccessfully, fuck you, Thomas Hardy) searching for the dirty bits...! Flipping through the Mists of Avalon for the threesome scene, etc. etc.

But writing it? A resounding "feh!"

For one thing, it's really hard [no pun intended]. Sex is repetitive. We have a finite number of moving parts, we have a finite number of slots for those parts to fit into. We tweak, we stroke, we push, we pull, we slap, we tickle; we get wet, we get hard. It feels great, except when it doesn't. And if you add in too many adverbs and adjectives -- you run the risk of sounding like a romance novel, a bad romance novel.

I don't know about you, but I have sex in my head. If my brain isn't getting off, I can spasm all I want, but I haven't come. It's no good to me without the brainfuck. There's an internal narrative always going on -- which mirrors to varying degrees what's actually happening in the physical, corporeal world. Sometimes, the degree is zero. Things I would never do "for real", things I would find actively offensive or disturbing if I weren't in bed, and believing that the things people imagine or play at in order to find pleasure are all perfectly okay.¹

Thing is, when you're writing, the characters can't have internal narratives, unrelated to what's around them, because they're already in a narrative! Hell, they are the narrative. And of what interest to the reader -- who's using your story to furnish their own fantasy about say, Jack and Ianto -- is an internal, unrelated narrative that the character might possibly be having, if they were real? My feeling is, generally speaking, probably not much. Because that's like being OOC on purpose, and no one wants to see that, right?

So there's ways around it. Hence: dirty talk, d/s, drag, s & m, 3somes -- all games that are all about the stories you tell yourself. Narratives embraced and imposed.

But. I have to wonder, what are the fantasies of fantasies? What are the stories that stories whisper to themselves in the dark, or the ones they hold tightly to themselves, too ashamed even to say out loud?

Because that? That might be hot.


¹That's what I tell myself anyway. Rationalizations: more important than sex. Think about it. Ever made it through a day without a rationalization? Yeah..

Comments

[kahtyasofia.livejournal.com]

Now, see...I've never worked as a pro. Amateur only, here. In my experience, which is really the only thing I can speak from, there has usually been some give and take in who's 'in charge' of the narrative and the intensity. With me there tends to be an emotional component, too, though. If I care for someone I only really want to hurt them as much as they want to be hurt.

I've never liked a pushy sub, either. I preferred to get the details of what they were looking for before hand, then go for it. Stop trying to direct me! If you failed to tell me what you needed before hand, remember it for next time or suffer the consequences (by which I mean a lack of satisfaction!).

Do I really believe bottoms are in charge? Or as you say, is that a polite fiction? I think it's a polite fiction. As I first said, there is a belief that bottoms are in charge. I strongly believe that they need to have the ultimate out in the event of panic, or we are not safe, sane and consensual. I like to play around with shifting power dynamics in my fiction but when it comes to the sex, the shifting dynamics in those scenes are usually a stand in for something larger going on.

Or I'm deluding myself, which is possible, too.

[loveslashangst.livejournal.com]

Amateur only here too, mostly because my one pro gig didn't work out so well.

I think that in a really GOOD Top/Bottom Dom/Sub relationship, there's more than a little give and take. The whole point of getting to Sub for someone is to abandon control. To get lost in the moment. To trust that the Top will take you farther than you could go on your own, but not so far as to do damage. I think that's why so many people in positions of high stress and responsibility will tend to go Sub in their personal lives. For once they don't have to choose.

This is also why I have a fetish for Dom!Ianto, who I think has all the potential of being the unlikeliest (and therefore hottest) Top. But I also think it's something he'd have to learn. And he'd have to trust pretty thoroughly whoever taught him, because there are few things more off-putting to someone like Ianto than being awkward, tolerated, or the victim of public ridicule.

This is why Owen!Ianto slash is either painfully bad or so smoking hawt it makes my screen melt.

I also agree that sex SHOULD be a mirror of the larger questions in a fic/relationship. People are never more themselves than when they have their clothes off. (And disrobing is such a useful literal metaphor in and of itself.) Sex can provide the lubrication (*another inappropriate giggle*) in the story and the character arcs, allowing these fictional people to move in directions they hadn't expected, and get them out of their complacency and daily canon routine.

This is why my personal pet peeve in Janto is "And then John comes in, is a violent rapist bastard, and Jack saves the day." Or "Ianto is so sweet and no one notices or appreciates him but Jack, who sexes him up and makes him feel better." Or (most pernicious of all) "And then Jack and Ianto have sex 'cause it's canon."

*eyeroll*

*yawn*

I go back to my diatribe, which holds true for my for-hire work too:

Tell me a STORY!

(*freely admits to Devil's Advocating*)

[kahtyasofia.livejournal.com]

I love Dom!Ianto. I do hot hold with weak or victim! Ianto. Jack is not a bully. There's more give and take and power shifting in that relationship than a lot of people give either of them credit for. I like situationally Dom!Ianto. Sometimes, it's right for my story for him to be in control. Other times, it's right for Jack to be. Nor, does Ianto always need to be saved by Jack. In fact, I've written an entire story where Ianto saved Jack's arse.

Anybody who writes either of these two like women isn't watching the same show I am.