Writing sex: a confession
Jan. 21st, 2009 01:26 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
fictionalIt may come as a surprise to those of you who read IHNIIHBT, which is sort of a pornographic epic, but I greatly dislike writing sex.
No, really.
I hate it a lot. Which is funny because lately, we've been doing a lot of it.
Don't get me wrong. I love that our story is so filthy and x-rated. In fact, sometimes I even think it could stand to be filthier. I like reading sex. Oh man, do I. Porn, for me, is a primarily written-word driven thing, and it was that way long before I discovered fandom and its box of erotic delights. Think reading bodice-rippers and skimming my way through Tess of the D'Urbervilles at seven, desperately (and unsuccessfully, fuck you, Thomas Hardy) searching for the dirty bits...! Flipping through the Mists of Avalon for the threesome scene, etc. etc.
But writing it? A resounding "feh!"
For one thing, it's really hard [no pun intended]. Sex is repetitive. We have a finite number of moving parts, we have a finite number of slots for those parts to fit into. We tweak, we stroke, we push, we pull, we slap, we tickle; we get wet, we get hard. It feels great, except when it doesn't. And if you add in too many adverbs and adjectives -- you run the risk of sounding like a romance novel, a bad romance novel.
I don't know about you, but I have sex in my head. If my brain isn't getting off, I can spasm all I want, but I haven't come. It's no good to me without the brainfuck. There's an internal narrative always going on -- which mirrors to varying degrees what's actually happening in the physical, corporeal world. Sometimes, the degree is zero. Things I would never do "for real", things I would find actively offensive or disturbing if I weren't in bed, and believing that the things people imagine or play at in order to find pleasure are all perfectly okay.1
Thing is, when you're writing, the characters can't have internal narratives, unrelated to what's around them, because they're already in a narrative! Hell, they are the narrative. And of what interest to the reader -- who's using your story to furnish their own fantasy about say, Jack and Ianto -- is an internal, unrelated narrative that the character might possibly be having, if they were real? My feeling is, generally speaking, probably not much. Because that's like being OOC on purpose, and no one wants to see that, right?
So there's ways around it. Hence: dirty talk, d/s, drag, s & m, 3somes -- all games that are all about the stories you tell yourself. Narratives embraced and imposed.
But. I have to wonder, what are the fantasies of fantasies? What are the stories that stories whisper to themselves in the dark, or the ones they hold tightly to themselves, too ashamed even to say out loud?
Because that? That might be hot.
1That's what I tell myself anyway. Rationalizations: more important than sex. Think about it. Ever made it through a day without a rationalization? Yeah..
No, really.
I hate it a lot. Which is funny because lately, we've been doing a lot of it.
Don't get me wrong. I love that our story is so filthy and x-rated. In fact, sometimes I even think it could stand to be filthier. I like reading sex. Oh man, do I. Porn, for me, is a primarily written-word driven thing, and it was that way long before I discovered fandom and its box of erotic delights. Think reading bodice-rippers and skimming my way through Tess of the D'Urbervilles at seven, desperately (and unsuccessfully, fuck you, Thomas Hardy) searching for the dirty bits...! Flipping through the Mists of Avalon for the threesome scene, etc. etc.
But writing it? A resounding "feh!"
For one thing, it's really hard [no pun intended]. Sex is repetitive. We have a finite number of moving parts, we have a finite number of slots for those parts to fit into. We tweak, we stroke, we push, we pull, we slap, we tickle; we get wet, we get hard. It feels great, except when it doesn't. And if you add in too many adverbs and adjectives -- you run the risk of sounding like a romance novel, a bad romance novel.
I don't know about you, but I have sex in my head. If my brain isn't getting off, I can spasm all I want, but I haven't come. It's no good to me without the brainfuck. There's an internal narrative always going on -- which mirrors to varying degrees what's actually happening in the physical, corporeal world. Sometimes, the degree is zero. Things I would never do "for real", things I would find actively offensive or disturbing if I weren't in bed, and believing that the things people imagine or play at in order to find pleasure are all perfectly okay.1
Thing is, when you're writing, the characters can't have internal narratives, unrelated to what's around them, because they're already in a narrative! Hell, they are the narrative. And of what interest to the reader -- who's using your story to furnish their own fantasy about say, Jack and Ianto -- is an internal, unrelated narrative that the character might possibly be having, if they were real? My feeling is, generally speaking, probably not much. Because that's like being OOC on purpose, and no one wants to see that, right?
So there's ways around it. Hence: dirty talk, d/s, drag, s & m, 3somes -- all games that are all about the stories you tell yourself. Narratives embraced and imposed.
But. I have to wonder, what are the fantasies of fantasies? What are the stories that stories whisper to themselves in the dark, or the ones they hold tightly to themselves, too ashamed even to say out loud?
Because that? That might be hot.
1That's what I tell myself anyway. Rationalizations: more important than sex. Think about it. Ever made it through a day without a rationalization? Yeah..
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2009-01-21 08:58 pm (UTC)I think my early finding of "Beauty" (and earlier reading of bodice-ripper/dominant romantic hero novels) probably set a great deal of my own desires. Or possibly conversely, I was pulled to fiction that expressed what I had no words to express I wanted. Column A, column B. :)
Oh, me too! And I'm often, which came first, chicken, egg? But I think I've come to the conclusion that it was more column b for me because I can remember fantasies & day dreams & games that seem related before I ever read any, per se.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-01-21 09:00 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-01-21 09:04 pm (UTC)I can't believe I just said that on the internet.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-01-21 09:06 pm (UTC)Ahahah, and you were like eight right? That shit totally went on amongst me and my little friends at that age too.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-01-21 09:09 pm (UTC)No, man. That was just last year! ;D
Sorry. Yeah, I was eight. It must be the age for such things.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-01-21 09:09 pm (UTC)You are such an asshole.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-01-21 09:08 pm (UTC)*rolls on floor laughing* I was just about to bring that up. but it was a memory I'd completely suppressed until the first time I explored with a lover (just talking about fantasies) and suddenly flashed back to my poor Barbies, tied up over my breyer horses with equally-nekkid ken dolls riding. Cossack-style, I guess. I couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 at the time.
so I'm discussing this with partner at 19, and am like, wow, holy crap, there really IS something to that nature vs. nurture argument..
(no subject)
Date: 2009-01-21 09:10 pm (UTC)*falls off chair laughing* Best thing ever.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-01-21 09:11 pm (UTC)Of course, there are studies that indicate that some disproportionately high percentage of folks into had traumatic/painful medical events as children, sometimes at an age too young for them to recall.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-01-21 09:18 pm (UTC)OH yes. And as I explained when discussing with parents (indirect coming out of sorts), that question really is at its heart about "how do we fix it?", which is definitely not where I want the convo to head right now, so IAWYC and we'll leave it there. ;D
Of course, there are studies that indicate that some disproportionately high percentage of folks into had traumatic/painful medical events as children, sometimes at an age too young for them to recall.
Dunno. I spent a lot of time in hospital as a kid (one of those children who would not have lived past age 5, if born 100 years ago), and all it ever left me with was serious needle phobia. Though I've sometimes deliberately chosen kink play to push/counteract that phobia directly, so..
(no subject)
Date: 2009-01-21 09:19 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-01-22 06:41 am (UTC)