Writing sex: a confession
Jan. 21st, 2009 01:26 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
fictionalIt may come as a surprise to those of you who read IHNIIHBT, which is sort of a pornographic epic, but I greatly dislike writing sex.
No, really.
I hate it a lot. Which is funny because lately, we've been doing a lot of it.
Don't get me wrong. I love that our story is so filthy and x-rated. In fact, sometimes I even think it could stand to be filthier. I like reading sex. Oh man, do I. Porn, for me, is a primarily written-word driven thing, and it was that way long before I discovered fandom and its box of erotic delights. Think reading bodice-rippers and skimming my way through Tess of the D'Urbervilles at seven, desperately (and unsuccessfully, fuck you, Thomas Hardy) searching for the dirty bits...! Flipping through the Mists of Avalon for the threesome scene, etc. etc.
But writing it? A resounding "feh!"
For one thing, it's really hard [no pun intended]. Sex is repetitive. We have a finite number of moving parts, we have a finite number of slots for those parts to fit into. We tweak, we stroke, we push, we pull, we slap, we tickle; we get wet, we get hard. It feels great, except when it doesn't. And if you add in too many adverbs and adjectives -- you run the risk of sounding like a romance novel, a bad romance novel.
I don't know about you, but I have sex in my head. If my brain isn't getting off, I can spasm all I want, but I haven't come. It's no good to me without the brainfuck. There's an internal narrative always going on -- which mirrors to varying degrees what's actually happening in the physical, corporeal world. Sometimes, the degree is zero. Things I would never do "for real", things I would find actively offensive or disturbing if I weren't in bed, and believing that the things people imagine or play at in order to find pleasure are all perfectly okay.1
Thing is, when you're writing, the characters can't have internal narratives, unrelated to what's around them, because they're already in a narrative! Hell, they are the narrative. And of what interest to the reader -- who's using your story to furnish their own fantasy about say, Jack and Ianto -- is an internal, unrelated narrative that the character might possibly be having, if they were real? My feeling is, generally speaking, probably not much. Because that's like being OOC on purpose, and no one wants to see that, right?
So there's ways around it. Hence: dirty talk, d/s, drag, s & m, 3somes -- all games that are all about the stories you tell yourself. Narratives embraced and imposed.
But. I have to wonder, what are the fantasies of fantasies? What are the stories that stories whisper to themselves in the dark, or the ones they hold tightly to themselves, too ashamed even to say out loud?
Because that? That might be hot.
1That's what I tell myself anyway. Rationalizations: more important than sex. Think about it. Ever made it through a day without a rationalization? Yeah..
No, really.
I hate it a lot. Which is funny because lately, we've been doing a lot of it.
Don't get me wrong. I love that our story is so filthy and x-rated. In fact, sometimes I even think it could stand to be filthier. I like reading sex. Oh man, do I. Porn, for me, is a primarily written-word driven thing, and it was that way long before I discovered fandom and its box of erotic delights. Think reading bodice-rippers and skimming my way through Tess of the D'Urbervilles at seven, desperately (and unsuccessfully, fuck you, Thomas Hardy) searching for the dirty bits...! Flipping through the Mists of Avalon for the threesome scene, etc. etc.
But writing it? A resounding "feh!"
For one thing, it's really hard [no pun intended]. Sex is repetitive. We have a finite number of moving parts, we have a finite number of slots for those parts to fit into. We tweak, we stroke, we push, we pull, we slap, we tickle; we get wet, we get hard. It feels great, except when it doesn't. And if you add in too many adverbs and adjectives -- you run the risk of sounding like a romance novel, a bad romance novel.
I don't know about you, but I have sex in my head. If my brain isn't getting off, I can spasm all I want, but I haven't come. It's no good to me without the brainfuck. There's an internal narrative always going on -- which mirrors to varying degrees what's actually happening in the physical, corporeal world. Sometimes, the degree is zero. Things I would never do "for real", things I would find actively offensive or disturbing if I weren't in bed, and believing that the things people imagine or play at in order to find pleasure are all perfectly okay.1
Thing is, when you're writing, the characters can't have internal narratives, unrelated to what's around them, because they're already in a narrative! Hell, they are the narrative. And of what interest to the reader -- who's using your story to furnish their own fantasy about say, Jack and Ianto -- is an internal, unrelated narrative that the character might possibly be having, if they were real? My feeling is, generally speaking, probably not much. Because that's like being OOC on purpose, and no one wants to see that, right?
So there's ways around it. Hence: dirty talk, d/s, drag, s & m, 3somes -- all games that are all about the stories you tell yourself. Narratives embraced and imposed.
But. I have to wonder, what are the fantasies of fantasies? What are the stories that stories whisper to themselves in the dark, or the ones they hold tightly to themselves, too ashamed even to say out loud?
Because that? That might be hot.
1That's what I tell myself anyway. Rationalizations: more important than sex. Think about it. Ever made it through a day without a rationalization? Yeah..
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Re: *plays Devil's Advocate*
Date: 2009-01-22 12:58 am (UTC)Um. Er. How much would you kill me if I'd mistaken you for kalichan when I made that comment about character-driven?
*kicks self for having replied to too many things*
BUT!! I completely agree with you about Jack. He's broken, which is what makes him fun to play with. There is MUCH more to him than meets the eye. The key is to get beyond the Prince Charming smile and sexually-charged banter than are his armour and shield against a world that hasn't always been kind to him.
Feminized Ianto = MADE OF FAIL
But I'll fight you on the Jack telling Ianto he loves him. People can argue with me (I invite it), but I DO believe that Jack loves Ianto very much. More than is comfortable. More than he wants to admit. That's why he runs from it. Makes light of it. Tries to keep Ianto always a little off balance. He's compensating -- if Ianto is perpetually off balance, then maybe no one will notice how uneasy Jack is with the relationship and his own emotions.
Weeping, "OMGOMGOMGOMG I LOVESSSSSSSSSS you so much!"
No.
Fail. Lots and lots of Fail.
But if you can get Jack open enough. Comfortable enough. Uncomfortable enough. Afraid enough. Then maybe. Jack might run from it again later. Might deny it. Might try to make light of it. But it's THERE. And what makes him all the more miserable are two facts and I cannot escape about Jack:
1) Jack is not the marrying kind. He loves people. He cares about people. But he's always a bit less hazardous as the Friends With Benefits kind. This makes me INSANE, as I prefer the Happily Ever After ending and now have to write around this. (I just ignored it in DANCING LESSONS, arguing that Nine and Rose were the loves of his life and the only two who might be able to drag him to the altar.)
2) Jack is immortal. All relationships are temporary for him. For him to be tempted to make a long-term commitment, his partner would have to be TRULY extraordinary AND have some staying power. Some ability to survive. Ianto, IMNSHO, fits these requirements, but only if you ignore certain really stupid canon contradictions. Ianto's a sweet boy, but he has a will of iron when pushed.
I always keep in mind that Ianto is the only member of Torchwood 3 other than Jack who has actually shot a fellow coworker.
And the look on Owen's face? PRICELESS.
Anyway. I'm intrigued by the idea of SecretlyViolent!Jack. I have about 20-odd chapters left in FAITHFUL and that could be interesting.
And it's something John would know about Jack, and John is a VERY good Top.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Re: *plays Devil's Advocate*
Date: 2009-01-22 02:47 am (UTC)Yes, yes, yes, yes! Totally agree, 100%.
Don't get me wrong, I completely believe Jack loves Ianto. He's head over heals for that boy. What I meant by my earlier comment was that because Jack and Ianto are blokes, they don't spend their time staring longingly into one another's eyes professing their undying love for each other. It's much more subtle and non-verbal than all that. But Jack very much loves Ianto, that's for sure.
As for Jack being the marrying kind...I think at his core, he would like to be. He comes from a strong family unit. Had his life gone another way, he would have liked to settle down. But, Jack's a live-in-the-moment kind of guy so he realizes that's not practical for him any longer, and probably hasn't been a good idea since he went off to war as a teenager. Jack realizes that because all relationships are temporary for him, marriage is out of the question. Also, it's not the least bit practical given the nature of TW.
I also agree that Jack is drawn to Ianto first because they are equally fucked up and damaged but also, Ianto is a survivor. A total will of iron, that boy has. Ianto also clearly sees how fucked up Jack is loves him because of it. Jack's drawn to him because Jack can just be Jack and not The Captain, all the time.
Which TW member did Jack shoot?
Yes, that side of Jack that used to torture did not go away. It just went on hiatus under the Doctor's influence. It's still there, though and it needs to come out and play once in while.
John may be a good Top, and he may be well acquainted with Dark!Jack but, as Jack said in Exit Wounds, he was the one in control of John. Jack may be the ONLY person John has submitted to, though.
Re: *plays Devil's Advocate*
Date: 2009-01-22 03:29 am (UTC)*wilts and channels cleaner-shrimp from FINDING NEMO*
I am ashamed.
Anyway, I agree that K & R are Empresses of character-driven fic. They kick my ass.
Don't get me wrong, I completely believe Jack loves Ianto. He's head over heals for that boy. What I meant by my earlier comment was that because Jack and Ianto are blokes, they don't spend their time staring longingly into one another's eyes professing their undying love for each other.
GRIN! Absolutely. I wrote my first few stories mostly from Ten and Rose's POVs. The Doctor has much more Wibble and Emo than the average guy. For TW, it's been a challenge to me to write BLOKES. They're not better, not worse, and certainly not less emotional than my previous POV characters, just their ways of expressing emotions are different. The whole male dynamic is different, and my challenge has been to try to stay true to who my characters are while still challenging them and pursuing my plot.
As for Jack being the marrying kind...I think at his core, he would like to be.
YES. He would DEFINITELY like to be. He envies the stability. The surety. But at the same time, I think he, like John, would go stark raving BONKERS if he didn't have the promise of variety. Like most men of action, a living hell for Jack would be an eternity of Same.
Which is why I will NEVER forgive the canon writers for giving Jack 100 YEARS of servitude as a vassal of Torchwood. Talk about neutering a guy.
Worst mistake since someone put an anti-violence chip in Spike.
He comes from a strong family unit.
Which was utterly shattered by the loss of youngest son and father. What happened to Jack after that has always intrigued me. My version is a bit more tragic and angsty than most.
Also, it's not the least bit practical given the nature of TW.
*nodnodnodnodnod* TW is not exactly the kind of organization you join if you want to live a long life.
Jack's drawn to him because Jack can just be Jack and not The Captain, all the time.
And because, much as Ianto loves and respects Jack, he also is willing to lampoon him a little and bring him down to size. Ianto's acerbic wit is, IMNSHO, one of the things that Jack enjoys most. They tease each other mercilessly, and that's part of the thing that makes their relationship work. And because their relationship works, it sets the tone for the rest of the crew.
Which TW member did Jack shoot?
Suzie, IIRC. He shoots her so she won't kill Gwen in the first episode. That's how Gwen gets onto the team, TW3 being a one-in-one-out organization.
John may be a good Top, and he may be well acquainted with Dark!Jack but, as Jack said in Exit Wounds, he was the one in control of John. Jack may be the ONLY person John has submitted to, though.
I think that Jack is grandstanding when he said he's the only one who could "control" John. John is clearly smarter than him. More ruthless than him. A better liar than him. I think Jack has a seriously edited the nature of their relationship, in part for the same reason he won't admit publicly that he loves Ianto -- if he makes light and less of it and pretends HE is in control, maybe he can escape his own emotions about it. He loves John, more passionately than perhaps anyone but Nine, but John is messy, unpredictable, and often ill-considered in his decisions. He's a liability, and -- as Jack tells Ianto -- a reminder of what Jack was. He's gotten so complacent in his new life and new authority that John scares the shit out of him, in part because John can be VERY seductive, and Jack does miss the life he's left behind, so many years ago.
That's why I'm writing what I'm writing -- the canon authors seem hell-bent on ignoring these deeper issues with Jack. I understand this, because Jack IS fun to write when he's charming and flirtatious. But I still call them cowards not to confront this bizarre thing they've created in Immortal!Jack. He has Issues no one else will.
And as of yet, he has no kryptonite, which, IMNSHO, is a cop-out.
Re: *plays Devil's Advocate*
Date: 2009-01-22 04:38 am (UTC)granted, I'm only guessing but I have begun to suspect that Jack DID separate from TW from time to time, such as when he went to war. I don't have much foundation for this, but I think Jack would come back from time to time in a very mercenary like fashion just to make some money. Additionally, as the power structure in TW changed, so would the treatment of Jack and therefore, how much time he would spend with them. For example, he would try to avoid Emily and Alice but I think we can agree Gerald treated Jack decently. By the time of Alex, Jack is a valued team member and has great affection for that team.
Do NOT get me started! *snort*
I started to write something to this effect in my last comment but I thought it diverged from my real point! I agree, though!
I'm going to go away and ponder your take on Jack & John. I don't tend to agree but you make a good case. Enough of one that I'm going to go give it some thought. Who knows, I might end up exploring the idea in a fic. It's a dark enough topic it's right up my alley! It would not be the first time I revised my view of certain characters. What makes me think Jack did control John is that John is a loose canon and Jack is not quite as unhinged and is capable of a much more calculating thought. Jack's softening is due to his character redemption at the hands of the Doctor.
I think that's why I'm currently enamored with writing about Dark!Jack coming out to play, I've noticed the lack of dealing with Jack's darker side.
Kryptonite. Huh. I would possibly say that Jack is his own kryptonite. Letting John walk away twice. Freezing Gray. Letting Gwen walk all over him. We could also suspect that Ianto is Jack's kryptonite. He just haven't seen it in action yet.
Re: *plays Devil's Advocate*
Date: 2009-01-22 06:18 am (UTC)Re: *plays Devil's Advocate*
Date: 2009-01-22 06:20 am (UTC)Point is, at some point, Jack blows her away.