Ham... wallet?

[fictional]

As a synonym for female genitalia, it leaves something to be desired, no? Oh spam filter, what would I do without you...

On another front, dreamwidth!!! I feel so out of the loop. This is definitely a sucktastic time to never be near the internets. It is impossible to perform the appropriate amounts of suck-up networking. Anyways, if any of you have an invite going spare... *bats eyelashes*

News from the cancer fields: Things mostly the same, except the bills have started coming in. I hate them. They are incomprehensible, the people you can reach by phone are, apparently, paid to be unhelpful, and it is infuriating. My parents continue to be remarkably incompetent for the educated, sensible people that they are, and I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY. Last night, my dad had a fever. Does my mother call the doctor? No. Does she read the nice red, crab-decorated notebook that I have prepared where I write down everything that happens, all the instructions given, and all the doctor's contact info? No. She calls me. Whereupon I have to do all of this, over the phone, and then speak to the doctor, who recommends an antibiotic and calls it in -- then I have to come to their house to pick up the prescription card, run it to the all-night pharmacy, wait to get the prescription filled, run it back to the house. In the middle of the night. (D. [blessings be on his head] drives me around, so this is less aggravating than it could have been, and I'm happy to do the running, but what the fuck????)

!!!

Also, Eve Sedgwick has died. I was extremely fond of her, and will always be inexpressibly grateful to have had the opportunity to work & make things with her, if briefly. On my very first day at the Graduate Center, I met her... and was blown away in a wave of fangirliness -- and since I was already sort of nervous and freaked out with first day jitters, it was all sort of overwhelming. She gave me an enormous cuddly, comforting hug, and I've never forgotten it. It was always a shock to realize that such a fine, penetrating, incisive intellect was housed in such a... snuggly exterior. She was profoundly kind, and I will miss knowing that she is in the world. Sigh. Also, cancer. FUCK YOU.

Anyway. How are you guys doing?

Here is some cool stuff:

a video shown at a Sony executive conference earlier this year regarding the information age. I thought it was pretty neat.

And the Indonesian hobbit skeleton goes live today at SUNY Stonybrook for the first time.

Also, Trek Yourself! Cheezy goodness, sponsored (appropriately) by Cheeze-it. You haven't lived till you've seen yourself as a Vulcan. Live long and prosper, kids.

Comments

[rm.livejournal.com]

Let me know if you need help deciphering the bills. I've done this a billion times and I would be surprised if I can't sort them out for you at least somewhat.

[kalichan.livejournal.com]

Will do. Thanks.

[rm.livejournal.com]

the true evil, as you've probably discovered by now, is that large swathes of the paper they send you can be ignored, but they never tell you which bills those are. Ever.

[kalichan.livejournal.com]

Hahaha, so true.

Me: Hi, I've just received this bill I don't understand. The account # is __________.
Them: Oh, yeah. We've sent that to your insurance company. You can disregard it. FOR NOW.
Me: So I don't have to pay this?
Them: You should disregard it for now. Wait a couple of weeks, and if you haven't heard from us by then, call back.
Me: What about this duedate on here.... can I disregard that too? It doesn't matter? I won't get late fees?
Them: Have a nice day! *clickbeep*

[rm.livejournal.com]

Yup!

And they will send you another copy after the insurance pays. And then another copy with actually what you owe in most cases. And if you have to fight the insurance on anything, that will generate more copies. And then sometimes the insurance company will send you copies. And the dates will be wrong on half of them and you'll receive them out of order.

[kalichan.livejournal.com]

I... have no words.

[rm.livejournal.com]

And note, none of these are errors, this is just how the system works. You get errors and then the real fun begins.

[kalichan.livejournal.com]

You're so cheery!

[fmanalyst.livejournal.com]

Also, wait until you receive the insurance company's statement of benefits for a particular bill before you pay on that bill. I've learned to wait and pay the 30 days past due balance, because that's the one that should have the post-insurance payment balance. Until I learned that, I overpaid my orthopedist pretty extensively.

[kalichan.livejournal.com]

Good plan. Cos it's not like it'd be an easy matter to get that money back or anything. ARGH. I will definitely wait. Thanks for the advice! Much obliged.

[neifile7.livejournal.com]

Sorry to hear you're strangling in red tape, and mom's a little less proactive than she might be. This is what I spend about 90% of my parental visits doing, as opposed to, you know, actually socializing with my parents. I know it's helpful, but since I only get to see them about four times a year, 'tis also frustrating.

Eve Sedgwick was MY GODDESS. Never got to meet her in person, just saw her speak a couple of times at conferences, and of course devoured her writing. What an inspiration. May her hug remain your perennial blessing!

[kalichan.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Yeah, the red tape is infuriating. One assumes it will get easier with practice? And yes, being helpful is important! But it sucks when that's all you get to do. I understand your frustration. ARGH.

Eve was such a lovely person, and indeed an inspiration. And so kind. I wish more Big Name Academics were of her ilk. I'm sorry you never got a chance to spend one-on-one time with her! At least the writing remains...

[magnetgirl.livejournal.com]

My bunny. I love you. What a bad night/week/month/recent life! RARRRR! I wish there was something I could do.

In less important news, this is driving me crazy now, but that video Ian sent I KNOW I've emailed that around-perhaps just to him but I thought to you guys too!

I searched my email about it, but couldn't find as the search terms were too general.

AHH AHH! Oh well, it is just a day after 4/20 ;)

[kalichan.livejournal.com]

I love you too, bunny! *fierce huggles*

You do lots just by being. And yeah, last night SUCKED. And the whole time we were driving around, we were like, WTF. It's 4/20!!!

I'm sorry about the video! I hadn't seen it before, I don't think, but maybe I missed it? My brain is swiss cheese these days, I swear. Feh.

[51stcenturyfox.livejournal.com]

Ugh, sorry about the stress and the medical bills. I remember some of my dad's. $100k(!) (similar surgery). And this was when I was a pre-teen, so... quite a long time ago.

Dreamwidth. I'm with you on the incomprehensibility of this at the moment.

Ham wallet? No. Please. :)

[kalichan.livejournal.com]

Medical bills = seventh ring of hell. I don't know how people do it without going mad.

Dreamwidth is making me feel uncool! *laughs*

The thing about ham wallet -- is it a wallet made of ham??? Or a wallet for ham, i.e. a sausage wallet? Or other relebant pork product. Inquiring minds do not want to know.

[lolliejean.livejournal.com]

You are a very good daughter.

I like you muchly. : )

[kalichan.livejournal.com]

That means a lot coming from you, thank you. *big hugs*

I guess a little blowing of steam in LJ is excusable. I hope, anyway.

[troygirl68.livejournal.com]

The fact you are able to rant a little is always a good sign.

I Trekked myself you bad, bad woman. I don't have time for it! But it will make the kids laugh, then I can Trek them, too!

So, New York's a busy place, right? No way an HBO camera crew could close a city street to shoot film? Duh! No, instead they come to Detroit, make over a street to look like NYC, complete with yellow cabs (I expect they had to ship in a few white and Hispanic folks, too. I say this with my tongue firmly in my cheek), close it to the public and film there!!! Nothing like rubbing salt into the wound is there?!

Upside is, if you ever come to Detroit you can see downtown in about 10 minutes. And you'll have no trouble parking!

[kalichan.livejournal.com]

Ranting is definitely good for the soul.

LOL. I am glad to be inciting others to Trek evil!

And don't worry, on TV there don't have to be Hispanic people!!! *my tongue's in my cheek too ;-)*

[faris-nallaneen.livejournal.com]

oh, man. the fucking BILLS. What I do with my clients' medical bills is this: make a binder for them; punch holes in them and staple each bill together; make one section per billed service cluster (you'll get to 30-40 sections fairly quickly) because you are going to get multiple bills for each cluster of services; write on the tops of the pages the date you spoke to the customer service rep, their name, and what they said; when the insurance stuff that Rach talked about starts coming in, file that in the appropriate section in front of the bill; when you pay a portion of a bill, photocopy the check and/or credit card statement and add that to the section in front of the insurance stuff; when you contest things with the insurance company, keep a copy of the letter you send them in the appropriate section.

I recommend a nice calming color for the binder - light blue is good, ditto pine needle green.

When I get back from Europe next week I can set this up for you, if you like. Or you might prefer your own system. But the basic rule is pretty obvious and you already know it: KEEP EVERYTHING and TAKE NOTES.

anyway, I love you. And I saw Oscar Wilde's grave today!

[kalichan.livejournal.com]

Oscar Wilde's grave! You are the luckiest.

I owe you email, I know. But now I have to take my dad to the doctor. He insists on taking the subway, even though he has a temperature. WHAT THE FUCK.

Your bill suggestion is good, except... I don't understand what insurance stuff is related to what bill?? They don't seem to match up, really. I'm going to try to organize it myself, but may enlist you upon your return.

lovelovelovelove.

[faris-nallaneen.livejournal.com]

what I do when the insurance doesn't match the bills is I photocopy the insurance thing and put a copy with each bill it partially matches to, with the relevant part highlighted. So if there is a bill from, say, the radiologist, billing for services A, B, and C, and then an insurance thing comes saying they are paying for 60% of B, all of C, and 60% of D which you never got a bill for in the first place, you then photocopy the insurance thing and highlight B and C on one copy (which goes with the bill for A, B, and C) and highlight D on the other copy (which goes in a new section for D for when that bill inevitably comes), and...uh. I am making this more confusing than it needs to be, aren't I? I'll come over when I get in, bringing binder & 3 hole punch & highlighters. It'll be like when we made the quilt, except we'll actually finish this!

Hope doctor visit goes smoothly - I am off to sit by the canal st-martin. you can write me email at yr leisure. tomorrow is back to London!

[kalichan.livejournal.com]

Er... I hope it will be less eccentric than the quilt! Highlighters. I am excited already.

[elainasaunt.livejournal.com]

Awfully good to hear from you even if the news is decidedly mixed. If only I could teleport you all to France so you wouldn't have to go through that bureaucratic nightmare! I miss hearing from you but have been remiss about asking how it's going, I'm afraid. Thanks for keeping us up to date anyway, and providing evidence that you're managing to keep your spirits up, and sending us miscellany both moving and silly. That's so you!

[kalichan.livejournal.com]

When you get that teleport working, please let me know!!! *grins*

I miss this like crazy, let me say. It's so great to talk to you guys!

[contrarywise]

Bleh, I'm so sorry the lovely medical/insurance establishment is doing its best to be needlessly obscure and screwy, and that your mother is having a hard time dealing with your father's care. You rock the freaking house with your competence and goodness, and yay for D. being awesome and driving you around. *hugs if you want 'em*

Boo cancer! Cancer doesn't deserve anything nearly as awesome as fucking.

[kalichan.livejournal.com]

Aww, thanks. I don't feel very competent, but fake it till you make it, I suppose. *grins* I keep meaning to post Boston pictures! It's like it was Another Life. *hugs* I always want hugs.

[demotu.livejournal.com]

Hi love! Good to see you poking your head out. I will put you on my list for DW invites, though someone else may get to you first (my advice - get an openID account there and validate your email - they are sending out 30-50 invites a day to registered openID users, and will invite a whole slew more come open beta.) I thought I would link you amusing youtube videos that I have enjoyed lately, because what is better at distraction than youtube videos!

Grandma did NOT get run over by a reindeer impatient sports car (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wOdlEacIxBs). (blink or you'll miss it)

Spectacular post-it note experiment (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y1rZqw5bXb4), by the same guys who did that mintos and coke one.

I totally have a crush on this American Idol constestant. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZSHm4x4TGk&feature=related) Don't sue me, just check him out performing on AI with a cat-of-nine-tails attached to his belt.

Susan Boyle (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RxPZh4AnWyk), who you might have seen/heard of, but if you've missed it, I cried.

*hugs*

[kalichan.livejournal.com]

Grazie! (When do you leave for Europe???)

I'll do the open ID thing! You are a genius.

Yay youtube. It is totally the best distraction ever. Thank you.

I miss y'all so much.

[demotu.livejournal.com]

You're welcome!

I leave on the 6th of May, assuming Air Canada doesn't go kaput in the meantime. *crosses finger*

That's like, two weeks. Which is ridiculous.

[kel-reiley.livejournal.com]

ham wallet?
...

everyone has abandoned us for dreamwidth! *sigh*

[kalichan.livejournal.com]

I know, right?

It's all in the preposition, isn't it? I mean, is it a wallet for ham? A wallet of ham??? I just don't know!

[kel-reiley.livejournal.com]

well, i suppose that depends on who is the pig

[kalichan.livejournal.com]

Well, if we're talking bdsm...

[kel-reiley.livejournal.com]

o_O

[bodlon.livejournal.com]

There's Bloodhound Gang song ("Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo") that includes the term "ham wallet" in the lyrics. It's basically one long list of largely NWS euphemisms for PiV sex. I only know it because it comes up on my Atom & His Package station once in a while and is catchy enough to sneak up on me before I realize what it is.

Yeaaah.

Sympathies on the parent thing. My mother does things like this to me all the time. There's a reason I avoid the basement. This week it's "give me a haircut" (fact: I'm only good at shaving my head and giving myself mohawks) and "install this smart card in my satellite receiver because I can't understand the directions."

In other news, not dead. Boyfriend had surgery in Friday and is coping badly, pain-wise. I've been sick. Markets keep rejecting me. And eee! Writercon!

Yes.

[kalichan.livejournal.com]

Uh huh! Sure. I believe you! Utterly! </snerk] Haircuts! GAH. I stopped letting my dad cut my hair after one too many Dorothy Hamil cuts. Remember those? It was unfortunate. I'd be terrified of giving someone else the same trauma. Glad you're Still Not Dead! Sorry about the Still Not King factor, but while life, hope, etc., etc. Hope the boyfriend feels better soon. WRITERCON.

[bodlon.livejournal.com]

Oh, no. See, I get my hair cut by people who know how to make me look not-stupid.

Mom was asking ME for one. My response: "I didn't know you wanted a mohawk."

[kalichan.livejournal.com]

Hahah. Yeah, I got it, I just meant I'd been inflicted with bad haircuts from close relations, so I'd not want to put someone I cared for (i.e. my mom) through the same wringer.

I do like your answer however. What would you do if she were like, "Well, it has always been a dream of mine..."

[bodlon.livejournal.com]

Give her the mohawk and offer to dye it purple. I think I've even got an old tube of Punky Professional floating around somewhere.

I mean, honestly. It's the only sensible thing to do at that point.

[psykaos42.livejournal.com]

I've seen a variant on ham wallet-spam purse. I have no idea how the writer of either came up with them and I don't want to know. The continued comparison of a woman's vagina to meat products does bother me, however.

If you're not aware of it, there's a lovely LJ called Weeping Cock, on which people post truly hideous porn (some fanfic, some actual published literature). It varies between hilarious and DO NOT WANT, on a regular basis.There's where I saw spam purse. And first stumbled across the infamous 'the velvet sheathed sword that proclaimed him male.'

It's best approached with a a sense of humor and a large bottle of brain bleach, but trust me, I've seen waaay worse things than 'ham wallet' posted there.