Writing sex: a confession

[fictional]

It may come as a surprise to those of you who read IHNIIHBT, which is sort of a pornographic epic, but I greatly dislike writing sex.

No, really.

I hate it a lot. Which is funny because lately, we've been doing a lot of it.

Don't get me wrong. I love that our story is so filthy and x-rated. In fact, sometimes I even think it could stand to be filthier. I like reading sex. Oh man, do I. Porn, for me, is a primarily written-word driven thing, and it was that way long before I discovered fandom and its box of erotic delights. Think reading bodice-rippers and skimming my way through Tess of the D'Urbervilles at seven, desperately (and unsuccessfully, fuck you, Thomas Hardy) searching for the dirty bits...! Flipping through the Mists of Avalon for the threesome scene, etc. etc.

But writing it? A resounding "feh!"

For one thing, it's really hard [no pun intended]. Sex is repetitive. We have a finite number of moving parts, we have a finite number of slots for those parts to fit into. We tweak, we stroke, we push, we pull, we slap, we tickle; we get wet, we get hard. It feels great, except when it doesn't. And if you add in too many adverbs and adjectives -- you run the risk of sounding like a romance novel, a bad romance novel.

I don't know about you, but I have sex in my head. If my brain isn't getting off, I can spasm all I want, but I haven't come. It's no good to me without the brainfuck. There's an internal narrative always going on -- which mirrors to varying degrees what's actually happening in the physical, corporeal world. Sometimes, the degree is zero. Things I would never do "for real", things I would find actively offensive or disturbing if I weren't in bed, and believing that the things people imagine or play at in order to find pleasure are all perfectly okay.¹

Thing is, when you're writing, the characters can't have internal narratives, unrelated to what's around them, because they're already in a narrative! Hell, they are the narrative. And of what interest to the reader -- who's using your story to furnish their own fantasy about say, Jack and Ianto -- is an internal, unrelated narrative that the character might possibly be having, if they were real? My feeling is, generally speaking, probably not much. Because that's like being OOC on purpose, and no one wants to see that, right?

So there's ways around it. Hence: dirty talk, d/s, drag, s & m, 3somes -- all games that are all about the stories you tell yourself. Narratives embraced and imposed.

But. I have to wonder, what are the fantasies of fantasies? What are the stories that stories whisper to themselves in the dark, or the ones they hold tightly to themselves, too ashamed even to say out loud?

Because that? That might be hot.


¹That's what I tell myself anyway. Rationalizations: more important than sex. Think about it. Ever made it through a day without a rationalization? Yeah..

Comments

[framefolly.livejournal.com]

"Think reading bodice-rippers and skimming my way through Tess of the D'Urbervilles at seven, desperately (and unsuccessfully, fuck you, Thomas Hardy) searching for the dirty bits...!"

o_0!

Wow. Your precociousness is totally off the charts!

[magnetgirl.livejournal.com]

I'd like to tell you she's full of it, you know, so the rest of us don't feel bad? But it's true.

F'in high-bar setter!

[kalichan.livejournal.com]

Hahah. I wouldn't say that. My mom just put that book away on a shelf informing me that it was Not Allowed Because It Was Too Adult. And I was all, "Really? Awesome!" But damn those 19th century authors and their euphemisms for sex & rape and what not. I've never really forgiven Hardy for it, honestly.

[kahtyasofia.livejournal.com]

I came across The Story of O at the age of 10. Yes, the ways it fucked me up are evident in my fic and I make no bones about it. It's the beauty and sensuality in the way Anne Rice wrote about kink that most strongly influenced me and I'm sure it shows. I learned early that the older literature wasn't going to do it for me and I routinely sought out modern stories that spelled out just how Tab A was going into Slot B.

[ophymirage.livejournal.com]

Kahtya, I think you and I had similar literary experiences (though I did not find O until about 18 or 19), and I think my early finding of "Beauty" (and earlier reading of bodice-ripper/dominant romantic hero novels) probably set a great deal of my own desires. Or possibly conversely, I was pulled to fiction that expressed what I had no words to express I wanted. Column A, column B. :)

I remember finding the 'older' literature mildly exciting when I first found it (age 10? 11? something like that), but it wasn't exactly Fanny Hill. When I DID find Fanny, I was like, OH, that's what I was looking for...

[kalichan.livejournal.com]

Oh man, me and one of my best friends bought The Story of O together in a train station on our way from NYC to Princeton, I believe it was; I think I was 16. It had this stark white cover, and it was just, wow. Great memory.

I think my early finding of "Beauty" (and earlier reading of bodice-ripper/dominant romantic hero novels) probably set a great deal of my own desires. Or possibly conversely, I was pulled to fiction that expressed what I had no words to express I wanted. Column A, column B. :)

Oh, me too! And I'm often, which came first, chicken, egg? But I think I've come to the conclusion that it was more column b for me because I can remember fantasies & day dreams & games that seem related before I ever read any, per se.

[rm.livejournal.com]

I was definitely engaged in theoretically non-sexual play with a D/s element long before I found things like O. I mean, what did you do to your Barbies? And yeah, that white cover was great. I bought mine at a B&N when I was a sophomore in high school I think.

[kalichan.livejournal.com]

I didn't have Barbies. But when I lived in India, I did invent a game called "Good Beatings" that I forced all my cousins to play with me. Involving being thrashed for various infractions. Um, yeah. And it was so annoying being the propelling force, because no one else really understood how it worked, so I always had to be the one administering, when I *really* wanted to be the one... well. you get the idea.

I can't believe I just said that on the internet.

[rm.livejournal.com]

Random people kept buying me Barbies, because I was a girl, and I should like them. Blech.

Ahahah, and you were like eight right? That shit totally went on amongst me and my little friends at that age too.

[kalichan.livejournal.com]

Ahahah, and you were like eight right?

No, man. That was just last year! ;D

Sorry. Yeah, I was eight. It must be the age for such things.

[rm.livejournal.com]

Ha!

You are such an asshole.

[ophymirage.livejournal.com]

I mean, what did you do to your Barbies?

*rolls on floor laughing* I was just about to bring that up. but it was a memory I'd completely suppressed until the first time I explored with a lover (just talking about fantasies) and suddenly flashed back to my poor Barbies, tied up over my breyer horses with equally-nekkid ken dolls riding. Cossack-style, I guess. I couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 at the time.

so I'm discussing this with partner at 19, and am like, wow, holy crap, there really IS something to that nature vs. nurture argument..

[kalichan.livejournal.com]

Cossack-style, I guess

*falls off chair laughing* Best thing ever.

[rm.livejournal.com]

You know, I get a little tetchy about the whole "oh you're born gay, it's not a choice" thing as I think it's an only temporarily useful argument ("I'm not a sinner, I have a birth defect"? No thanks) and I could have run along and had a nice little straight life, myself, but that kink thing? Man... that shit starts young.

Of course, there are studies that indicate that some disproportionately high percentage of folks into had traumatic/painful medical events as children, sometimes at an age too young for them to recall.

[ophymirage.livejournal.com]

I think it's an only temporarily useful argument ("I'm not a sinner, I have a birth defect"? No thanks)

OH yes. And as I explained when discussing with parents (indirect coming out of sorts), that question really is at its heart about "how do we fix it?", which is definitely not where I want the convo to head right now, so IAWYC and we'll leave it there. ;D

Of course, there are studies that indicate that some disproportionately high percentage of folks into had traumatic/painful medical events as children, sometimes at an age too young for them to recall.

Dunno. I spent a lot of time in hospital as a kid (one of those children who would not have lived past age 5, if born 100 years ago), and all it ever left me with was serious needle phobia. Though I've sometimes deliberately chosen kink play to push/counteract that phobia directly, so..

[rm.livejournal.com]

I can't do medical fetish at all, because it traumatizes me, but I was also a sick kid, and when I saw that study it rang true to where some of kink stuff is coming from with me. But I'm also just political in the brain, so power stuff is interesting to me.

[darthhellokitty.livejournal.com]

I married my Barbies to my Breyer horses.

[kahtyasofia.livejournal.com]

I still love bodice rippers! I want them graphic, though. I think it's a cop out to have a passionate kiss and a ripped bodice and the next paragraph is the morning after. The payoff just isn't there!

It was very enlightening to discover there were sexual activities outside of what I learned in sex education. For years I thought it was odd that I wanted things sexually that went beyond what I now know are 'vanilla'.

Yes, the Beauty trilogy is wonderful but Exit to Eden rocked my world!

[kalichan.livejournal.com]

Exit to Eden is my favorite Anne Rice, I think. Also, excellent food/new orleans porn, aside from the kink factor.

[rm.livejournal.com]

See, I liked EtE until about halfway through, and then there's that stupid scene involving the butter, and I was just done. That said, EtE rocks for its setup and first couple of hundred pages, definitely.

[kalichan.livejournal.com]

She's really into the whole butter thing. There's that scene in Beauty's Punishment where there's the cat licking the butter off of Beauty's... bits.

Like, Do NOT TRY THIS AT HOME, KIDS.

[rm.livejournal.com]

Oh man, I totally forgot about that. I remember a thing with honey in the Beauty books of the same ilk, but somehow it was always the butter that just made me roll my eyes.

[ophymirage.livejournal.com]

oh, there is SO much in Beauty that I *cringe* reading now.. the poor girls who are suspended, doubled up, for *hours* at a time?? aaagghhh! Hawt visual, but being left there for overnight?

The cat scene made me cringe even when first-time reading.

However, I blame the tavern scene with the dagger (as well as the, er, opening of using the sword to slice her dress open) for my eroticization of pretty pretty blades.. :D

[kahtyasofia.livejournal.com]

LOL! Anne Rice is good for knowing what to seek out when you make it to New Orleans! My first time there I kept saying....'oh! I read about this!"

[kalichan.livejournal.com]

Her and Poppy Z. Brite. =D